I am battle scarred…

…but I am working oh so hard to get back to who I used to be. – A Fine Frenzy, ‘Near to You’

I scar easily.  I don’t help this fact by never leaving a wound alone.  Whether it’s as simple an infliction as a bug bite, or a more serious one like a two-inch-long burn, I simply cannot leave it alone.  I scratch and pick and peel until I bleed.  Even after it starts to heal, I pick at the scab that’s trying so hard to fix my broken skin.  I don’t know why I do this.  It’s not like I sit there like “Healing? That sounds lame! I’d rather bleed and make sure there’s long lasting damage!!”.  It’s a compulsion that I can’t explain.

It’s unfortunate, really, because my skin is so fair that any imperfection is blatantly obvious.  Fortunately, since these scars aren’t usually particularly deep, they eventually go away.  This process, however, takes a very long time.  It also tends to be itchy.  After the itch though, when it’s just a scar that may or may not someday fade away, I get to see it.  Every day I get to be reminded of my poor choices.  Why couldn’t you just let it go?  Why did you have to aggravate the situation to the point where the damage was irreversible? You knew this would happen, it has happened before.  What is WRONG with you??

The other day, when my thoughts once again defaulted to some personal drama in my life, my eyes drifted to one of my more recent scars that started as an innocent mosquito bite.  Suddenly I noticed the parallels.  Everything I wrote in the previous paragraphs, though while writing I was speaking literally, could be interpreted metaphorically.

I scar easily.  But my scars often fade, eventually.  They start out all annoying and ugly and noticeable, but eventually they just become part of me.  Then, one day, something reminds me of that scar, and I look to it.  And I realize it has faded and isn’t very noticeable, or sometimes it’s just gone completely.

I love that feeling you get when you realize a scar you had is gone.

I also love the way I feel about some scars that I’ve had for a very long time that have become part of me; the ones that remind me of injuries I’ve suffered, obstacles I’ve overcome, or adventures I’ve had.

So, I scar easily. Literally and metaphorically.

Maybe we all do.

But scars fade. And the ones that don’t?  Leave memories behind.

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~ by Valerie Anne on 10/15/2010.

5 Responses to “I am battle scarred…”

  1. Wow. Beautiful/intense metaphor. Reading this not only helps me learn things about you, but also about myself. Thanks for that. 🙂

    P.S. I do read the tags and it was equally as awesome in writing as it probably was in your head. And you are beautiful and talented.

  2. You’re welcome. It’s always nice to hear things other that “Wow, you’re a psycho” which is what my brain always thinks will happen as soon as I hit “publish”.

    Thank YOU.

    🙂

    P.S. Love ya!

    [I was going to say “I love you” but then it would have said “P.S. I love you and, though I’ve never seen that movie, I have a feeling I didn’t want my message of actual love clouded by visions of a surely cheesy/sappy chick flick]

  3. I love tags. I use mine all the time to offer extra information that didn’t make it into the post. Sometimes my tags are the best part about my posts. Seriously.

    I saw this ad for jewelry one time. Gold charms that could be fashioned in the shape of a scar. To honor the injury. Seemed so stupid to me . . . the scar honors the injury.

    And my biggest scars? Are not visible.

    But I wear them just the same. All adorned.

    Sigh.

    Love this post.

    • Thank you so much!

      I agree that scar-shaped charms seem pointless.

      It means a lot to me that you enjoyed this post, because I love your writing. I also love how fearless you are in showing yourself to us one piece, one story, one scar at a time.

  4. all scars heal due to time

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