Glee Returns…with a Bang!

Episode 2.11 The Sue Sylvester Bowl Shuffle
(aka my first attempt at a Gleecap)

So I decided not to go to any kind of Superbowl party this year. I had had my share of fun Thursday through Saturday night and I tend to enjoy having Sundays to myself.

Plus, I highly doubted I was going to be able to find a party at which the partygoers would be willing to watch Glee immediately following the game.

So I made myself some dinner [slash discovered the magic of Rice-a-Roni…San Francisco knows what’s UP] and settled into my couch with my laptop and proceeded to watch the game.

Okay, who am I kidding… I was watching Lie To Me on my laptop during the game parts and only really paying attention to the commercials. Some of which were really funny. Some were kind of inappropriate. And some were downright offensive.

By the time the game ended I was snuggled in my bed anxiously anticipating this long awaited episode of Glee. I missed the first three seconds because I didn’t realize it was happening since it was the original Katy Perry version of California Gurlz and not a Gleeked out version.

Anywho, there was Thing One/Thing Two Hair and BMXing and Firework Madonna boobs. It was cute.

Though, Sue didn’t think so.

Quinn spews some wisdom at her and single handedly puts Brittany’s life in danger.   (Okay Felix the Cat helped too.) She told Sue she needed to go above and beyond. Sue took this literally and purchased a human cannon.  Poor Brittany looked as terrified as her expressionless blank confusion would let her and said she wasn’t ready to die. She wanted to watch One Tree Hill end first. [Though that’s not really asking for a very long life expectancy if you ask me. And you’re reading this so you kind of did.]  Either having a baby made Quinn all of a sudden motherly and knowledgeable or she was feeling guilty for being the fuel on this fire because she takes one look at the decapitated test dummy and says she’ll talk to Mr. Schue and handle this.

Meanwhile, Beiste is having trouble with the boys because they’ve all pictured her in a tutu half the team doesn’t like that the other half is in Glee Club and won’t stop poking fun. This of course is led by our resident homophobe who, for some reason, assumes that if he doesn’t constantly outwardly bash the idea of singing in public, people will figure out he’s gay and tried to mouth-rape Kurt after threatening to break his pretty china doll face.

Beiste brings this issue up with the Great and Powerful Schue and Will says he has an idea. He has thatscary glimmer in his eye when he’s about to get into some shenanigans and the Beiste mentions The Kissand I black out for a second because EW. Then Will says, “Do you trust me?” and my entire being shouted “NO!!” but Beiste was high off the fumes from Will’s hair product so she agrees.

Turns out Will’s bright idea is to invite the meat-heads on the football team to join the Glee club.  Merecedes said my very thoughts aloud when she proclaimed, Oh, HELL to the NO!”

Turns out their bright idea is to force them all to dance together [ermm like they did for Single Ladies? Where’s Kurt when you need him?] to unify them.  To prove that Glee Club is cool and badass Rachel and Puck decide to sing…a sappy country love ballad?

Okay, I’ll let this creative choice slide because I happen to love this song a lot.

Back to poor Brittany’s life being threatened.  Will and Sue are back in their all-too-familiar places in the Principal’s office where finally even Figgans realizes Sue has lost and and puts his foot down against risking the life of the best dancer at McKinley High.  Sue throws a hissy fit like no one else could, alongside epically eerie choral music and angsty screams.

Then Sue pulls out the big guns. (Well, the metaphorical ones. The human cannon was still out on the football field. I didn’t want to confuse your mental images here.) She declares that she has made her cheerleading competition the same day as the big football game slash halftime performance. Which means the football team would have no cheerleaders and the Glee club would be losing three members.  Two of which happen to carry the dancing portion, which I imagine is a big part of this halftime performance.

Will and Beiste join forces and decide that the football team will join them in doing Thriller/Heads Will Roll in the halftime show.  Mercedes is out-blacked by one of the jocks who is not interested in dancing at the CHAMPIONSHIP GAME. But it has been decided.

To Zombie Camp we go!  At first it’s rather painful and Rachel looks more like she’s possessed by the devil than a zombie, but they pull it together and Mr. Schue pulls The Homophobe aside to tell him he’s actually really good and he should stop wasting his energy dousing cripples with frozen sugary beverages and focus on something he’s more passionate about.

He seems to have gotten through to him because Dave (he finally did something that made him earn his name) approached Finn and said they should do an opening number so they can kick ass.  Yay, Dave!

Sue was creeping in the girls’ bathroom and intimidates Brittana and Quinn into quitting the Glee Club, so Finn rips Q a new one.  Q’s boyfriend (who still has yet to earn his name) gets all huffy at Finn and despite Quinn finding their peeing match sexy, their fight is broken up before anyone’s vocal chords or throwing hands were injured.

Then something weird happened where it seemed like a normal Glee number but everyone was Zombies so I’m just going to move on because I’m going to have nightmares about the Rolling Zombie flapping his arms like a bird.

So Kevin Bacon and the rest of the McKinley High hockey team slushie the football team and The Homophone loses the stripes he earned and quits the Glee Club and, consequently, the football team. He thinks Beiste is bluffing because without the non-Gleeks, they won’t have enough players to play in the CHAMPIONSHIP GAME.

Then Blaine sings a Destiny’s Child song about a guy who’s a scrub and can’t pay his auto-mo-bills.

Yes, it was just as random as it sounds. But again, I can forgive it because it was a darling performance. And that song was a lovely throw-back to my childhood.

Back in the plotline, the Girls of Glee have decided to join the football team [and flop like fish when the game is in play] and everything seems to be in order. Also, Sue is using Brittany’s big heart and naive nature and tells her she needs to be shot from the human cannon or the baby cannons at home might starve to death.  And the way she looks up at Sue and says, “Baby cannons?” makes me want to hold her in my arms and rock her and tell her everything is going to be okay.

Eh hem.

So some football happens and Finn realizes that his life is nothing without Q and Brittana in it.

Or something like that.

So he goes and convinces the girls that Glee is better than Sue. Which really didn’t take that much convincing. But it made them brave and they all stood up to her and walked away with Frankenteen himself.   Puck takes inspiration from his best bud and gives a speech that convinces the meat-heads (minus The Homophobe) to join in the halftime show.

Cut to the hottest zombies you have ever seen with a killer [heh] performance complete with a fog machine.  Dave gets caught up in the moment and ends up jumping in and joining the dance of the century.  They play the second half in their zombie makeup while grumbling and groaning which I’m pretty sure should be against the rules, but it helps and they’re all team-like and working together and they all start chanting BRAINS and the music gets magical and happy and they won the CHAMPIONSHIP GAME! Huzzah!

The Homophobe who flip flops more than a girl’s feet in the summertime tells Finn that he’s done with Glee while Quinn creepily lurks, poised against the lockers, waiting for Finn to be alone.

Then she kisses him.

KISSES HIM.

Wait, WHAT? Didn’t you just accept a PROMISE RING from your boyfriend with exceptionally large lips and impossibly unmoving hair?! What, the whole Puck/Finn drama last year wasn’t enough for you to keep it in your pants this year?!

There aren’t enough interrobangs in the world to express my confusion on this moment.

I guess we’ll see in tomorrow’s Valentine’s Day episode…Should be interesting to say the least…

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~ by Valerie Anne on 02/07/2011.

4 Responses to “Glee Returns…with a Bang!”

  1. This is the kind of recap I keep hoping for when I read the ones on AfterEllen. I hope you keep at it so I’ll have something to ease my inevitable disappointment with those.

    • Wow, what a compliment!! Thank you!

      I think the problem with the Glee recaps on AfterEllen is that the person who writes them doesn’t seem to get the same full-throttled enjoyment that I do from the show.

      I do hope to continue them, so I hope you continue to enjoy them! 🙂

      • I think the problem with the Glee recaps on AfterEllen is that the person who writes them doesn’t seem to get the same full-throttled enjoyment that I do from the show.

        You are right there. I am so glad that you’re recapping these as well. I definitely agree that you need someone who is a fan of the show (not just certain characters) to write the recaps.

        You had me laughing, something the AE ones haven’t done in a long time.

      • Wow, thank you!! Glad I could make you laugh – hope it wasn’t just beginners luck!! 🙂

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