Gleecap 2.12 – Silly Love Songs

Sometimes the “Previously On Glee” part is one of the funniest parts of Glee. Okay, maybe not the funniest, but they often say things that I have said or thought about the previous week’s episode.

The voiceover that read my mind this week mentioned that Quinn, Brittany and Santana quit the Cheerios, which means we get to see them in street clothes. I literally said that (with much excitement) as soon as I realized it. Of course, we saw Quinn in her preacher’s daughter outfits last year when she got kicked off the team for being a slut pregnant, but so far we’ve only seen Brittana in costumes (though some of them were simple jean/t-shirt deals).  More importantly, we got to go the whole episode without their hair in excessively tight slicked back ponytails.  And it was glorious.

Normally I would try not to let my obsession with Santana leak through too much in these recaps, but this was a very Santana-heavy episode, so I’m just going to let it flow.  Also, I should warn you now (in case it wasn’t obvious before) that I ship Brittana and I ship them HARD.  I’m talking Titanic-esque shipping going on.

Now that that’s out of the way, let’s begin with the actual episode, shall we?

We open on Puck daydreaming about Lauren, who is shoving something chocolate into her mouth that she had stashed in her desk. I didn’t even realize these kids went to actual class, and apparently neither did Puck, but he was reminiscing about Lauren shutting him down and saying how attractive it made her seem to him.

They flashed to them in a closet and I almost lost my dinner.

Eventually Puck sang “Fat Bottomed Girls” to her and all I had to say about it was, “If looks could kill, Santana would have just massacred the entire Glee Club.”  Somehow, most people ENJOYED his song to Miss Zizes.

I’m just going to say it now: I hate Lauren. She is mean and rude and THINKS SHOW CHOIR IS STUPID. She doesn’t belong here.  For a minute I thought to myself, I guess if she’s going to be around now, I should at least TRY to like her.

Then she called Santana a bitch.

And I wanted to shoot her out of a human cannon.

Then everyone else started calling Santana a bitch.

And I wanted to stand up and be like STOP IT! SHE’S A PERSON, SHE HAS FEELINGS! *shakes fist*

Then she tried to stand up for herself by stating the truest statement yet this episode. “I keep it real. And I’m hilarious.” But they wouldn’t let up.  When she emitted her breathy, “Fine.” and got up and left, my heart nearly broke. She was hurt, I could tell. THEN SHE CRIED.  And Brittany stroked her hair and I wanted to hold them both and rock back and forth with them.

Then I filled with anger and rage and disgust so I blacked out for a scene.  But then they played the Glee Chevy commercial and I calmed down a little.

Meanwhile, Kurt and Blaine are doing adorable, normal teenage boy things. They’re not overly flirty, but they’re so obviously comfortable with one another. Blaine asks Kurt if singing to someone for Valentine’s Day is too much and Kurt swoons a little and my eyes grow wide with fear. I silently shout, BLAINE, IF YOU BREAK KURT’S HEART I’LL SICK KAROFSKY ON YOU! (Except I would never really do that be because no one deserves to be face-raped.)

Blaine goes back to the Warblers and these boys claim that not all of them are gay but they all seem rather comfortable with a stick up their…nevermind.  They don’t want to help Blaine serenade his potential beau because it’s off campus. Kurt sweetly reminds them that slushies and jeers might bring you tears, but words can never hurt you.  He swears busting a move on football fields and safety dancing in malls makes for a  more well-rounded show-choir.  Since New Directions did win nationals last year, they finally agree to go to the Gap to help Blaine. Why the Gap? Because that’s where Blaine’s love interest works.

I could practically see Kurt’s heart fall to the floor.

In other news, Artie thinks he’s dope, Mike Chang can DANCE (and might actually be a ninja…he defies gravity sometimes) and Sam thinks he’s not dumb which just proves how dumb he really is.

Santana decides to take a new approach and tells Puck that she bought herself a present from him and that she will try to be nice from now on.  Lauren creeps up behind her and Santana already has to try to put this new philosophy to work. She spits out kind words like they taste bad and looks like it’s causing her physical discomfort.  Lauren doesn’t even try to pretend to appreciate her efforts and growls something awful.  Santana ever so politely asks her to move out of her way, “aforez I endz you”.

Well, it was cute while it lasted.

Then the most mismatched fight of the century breaks out.  Luckily Santana has sass, spunk and healthy, perfect teeth, so by the time was fight was over she had gotten a good chomp in and was only mildly shaken.  She was SO ready for more, but The Beiste tossed her over her shoulder like she was a ragdoll and took her to the nurse.

Blaine then serenades his favorite minimum wage employee and must have been thrown off by the long hair because kept singing things like “baby girl”.  This grungy looking employee is all but running away from Blaine the whole time and is obviously not enjoying this.  Kurt, on the other hand, looks like a little kid who just met his favorite sports player. THAT is the reaction you should get when you’re serenading someone.

Outside, Blaine nervously awaits the final reaction while Kurt sits by him like a faithful puppy.  Gap Guy comes out and is all angry at Blaine. Okay, I can’t really tell if he was angry because he couldn’t play dead if he tried, but his words were kind of harsh. Also, he claims to have gotten fired, and he basically ruffled Blaine’s hair and said that that if they were dating than he would be arrested.

First of all, no. Second of all…no.

This guy obviously doesn’t watch Pretty Little Liars.

Back in the choir room, there were absolutely disgusting lovey-dovey things going on.  I made an awful eyebrow-scrunching face, then they panned to Santana making the same exact face.

Then the most magical thing happened. Not only was Santana having a voiceover, but she starts talking about volunteering. Not only was she talking about volunteering, but she was WALKING DOWN THE HALLWAY IN A CANDY STRIPER’S OUTFIT. IN SLOW MOTION. AND A FAN OF SOME SORT.

It was magic.

Then she goes and borrows some germs from the luckiest dork alive (because she’s had mono so many times it’s now stereo…which, by the way, was quite the clever retort.  Beauty AND brians!).

Insert more blackness and grossness. I have to think of a word for these scenes so you know what I mean. IzePuke? I’ll think of something…

Santana plants the mono germs on Finn and waits for his inevitable cheat-session in the auditorium to happen. Ironically enough, exactly where he – just a year ago – cheated ON Quinn with Rachel. And that was before he found out that Quinn had cheated on HIM with Puck.  Who, while on a babysitting date with Quinn was sexting Santana.

I’m just saying, our little President of the Chastity Club seems to always be involved in quite the shenanigans.

Anyway, they both get Mono and Sam might be dumb but Santana spells it out pretty well, so he starts to get suspicious.  Will interrupts the awkward reveal of the affair and tells Tina to sing her song. Then my notes literally look like this.

“I do like this song, Tina. Maybe you’re not useless.  UGLY CRY? USLESS!”

Rachel goes to visit Finn at the nurse and shows one final display of utter desperation and finally (hopefully finally) realizes that no one deserves to be strung along.  Her love song is to herself (duh) and Lea Michele makes this Katy Perry song even better than it already was.  It even inspires Brittany to take Santana by the hand and pull her down to dance.

Kurt and Blaine are back to doing adorable things together and Blaine finally realizes how stupid and pointless Valentine’s Day is.  Then Kurt does the bravest thing he’s ever done and tells Blaine that he thought he was the one who was going to get the serenade. He didn’t vomit, he didn’t pass out. He didn’t even look like he was shaky or light headed. He just said what he felt. Put it out there. So. Brave.

Blaine does has some confusing monologue that starts with being surprised but ending with not wanting to screw things up? I’ve since decided to interpret that as saying that he doesn’t know how to be a boyfriend, and he doesn’t want to lose Kurt as a friend, so they should take it slow and see what happens. But it’s out there and it’s sweet and I love them.

Then Kurt has an idea. Suddenly we’re at Breadstix with the all of the important McKinley High Students (plus some excess) and Kurt welcomes them all to singles night.  Even those who are in loving relationships but are just there because they miss Kurt’s impeccable fashion sense and perfectly quaffed hair.  Blaine sings a love song  – which is confusing for a singles night, but so well executed that I didn’t question it for too long.  Also, it made me think of Moulin Rouge and that’s never a bad thing.  Santana was sitting alone which was unusual and unlikely, but she seemed to be enjoying herself and her big, uninhibited smile makes my heart speed up just a little.

The show ended just after she looked over her shoulder and waved at Sam “Big Lips” Bieber and me screaming NO! DO NOT WAVE AT SAM! DON’T DO IT!

Next week, they finally admit that Sam looks like Bieber my making him sing Bieber. Also, Sue joins the Glee Club?  Can’t wait!!

~ by Valerie Anne on 02/10/2011.

2 Responses to “Gleecap 2.12 – Silly Love Songs”

  1. I started reading this and realized how much I was enjoying it, so I took a break so I could read the AE one and then finished yours to get the bad taste out of my mouth.

    I love that you are such a Santana stan. Because Santana is freaking boss in this episode. And she was just amazing (and there is never enough Santana in non-Cheerios outfits).

    Okay, did the scene with Santana and Lauren bug you at all? I felt like what Lauren did (throwing her into the lockers) was just too much. I know Santana provoked it by slapping her, but Lauren actually throwing her just felt entirely too harsh. Not to mention, the people I was watching with were laughing really hard throughout this scene. I didn’t really find it that funny. Naya Rivera is pretty much a genius with her expressions, but I was so angry about what happened to Santana. (I should stop while I’m ahead here)

    Either way. Very nice recap. I can’t wait for next week. And for your recap as well.

    • Aww, glad I could help!

      Seriously, Santana is just an epic character, I love her so much.

      And yes, Lauren was out of line throwing Santana into lockers/across the hall like that. Yes, Santana hit her shoulder, but Lauren is not only a trained wrestler, but also like 5x her size. It was unfair to launch a full-fledged attack, and Karofsky got (albeit temporarily) expelled for much less.

      I hope they kick Lauren out of Glee Club for being a bully.

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