The Space Between

I love that time between going to bed and falling asleep.

Those moments where your mind can go wherever it wants to after an entire day of being forced to focus on this or that, being pulled every which way, unable to stray for more than a moment or two.

I didn’t always love this time.

This used to be the time where I reviewed the day’s mistakes. Where I revisited every conversation I had and scolded myself for saying something stupid or not saying something I should have.  For everything I put off or didn’t do my best at. Everything I forgot or ignored.

It was a lot. I had a very difficult time falling asleep. It would be quite a while before I was finally able to shut my brain off by distracting it with an imagined story or by giving myself a re-do of a conversation – how I thought it SHOULD have gone.

I think Vanessa Carlton said it best,

“It’s 4am and I’m wide awake, waiting for my thoughts to fade. A flickering of all of my mistakes.”

Now, as a far more stable adult, this time is for (easily) letting go of anything that stressed me out during the day. For revisiting positive memories. Or for just enjoying the peace of doing nothing.  I still use this time to create imaginary situations, but usually it’s not based off of anything that actually happened. Just ideal situations or purely entertaining ideas.

It’s a moment I look forward to every morning when I wake up. I’m pretty sure the only thing that gets me out of bed in the morning is the promise of being able to get back in later that evening.

This is not to say I spend all day thinking about getting back in bed – I don’t. I live my life and enjoy the moment and don’t even really think too much about my bed until I’m back in my apartment. I never let the promise of my bed keep me from going on an adventure.

But once it’s time? Time for bed?

I love it. I love that moment between going to bed and falling asleep.

I think I’ll go there now.

Sweet dreams!

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~ by Valerie Anne on 02/21/2011.

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