Decisions

It’s like I was on this adventure.  It was a fun adventure in a new place with lots of fun twisty roads to explore.  Eventually, I had explored most of what there was to explore and I was just enjoying my new surroundings. Still finding little pockets of newness here and there.  Still enjoying myself, either way.  This place was familiar, but fun.  This place was mine.

Then someone came along and asked if I wanted to go on a new adventure to a foreign land.  I’d been there once or twice before, and it sounded like a great idea!  They sent me off on my merry way and I started adventuring all over again.  However, this adventure was starting to take me further and further from what I knew.  Then I realized something…I had been sent out here without a map.  I hadn’t even thought to ask for one since I knew the area at the beginning of the adventure so well.  Now I find myself wandering around aimlessly, stepping in quicksand and falling in rabbit holes, trying to make markings on trees to help me recognize them.

Now, someone approaches me.  They tell me that I have new choices.

I can stay in this new land, but they will give me a map so I don’t feel so lost.  There would still be new adventures, but it’s not going to be like the first land I had grown to be so comfortable with.  This was a slightly more treacherous land and it would require more strength and agility to keep moving forward.  Or, I can return the first land. I can go back to my familiar and comfortable streets where I don’t need a map.  If I go there, I can find new adventures, but they might be a little fewer and farther between.

So, I stand at a crossroads.

Do I choose the smoothest course, steady as the beating drum? Do I marry Kocoum?

Wait, wrong adventure.

As I was saying, I stand at a crossroads.

Do I go back to my land, the one I had settled into?  Do I go back and hope that the adventures I find there will be enough to keep me entertained until the next opportunity to explore a new world comes along? Or do I brave this new land, where the lifestyle will be tough and I might encounter a few tigers or pirates or black smoke monsters?

Normally, my first reaction would be “pirates, shmirates”.  But here’s my concern: what if I decide to go on this adventure and I’m right in the thick of it, when I see a new adventure up for grabs?  Will I be able to leave one adventure behind for another, or will this adventure be too consuming and I will miss out on an opportunity I might really enjoy?

So I stand at a crossroads.  The air is thick with change and possibility; it fills my lungs and makes it difficult to breathe. I am lightheaded as I look down these two paths, wishing I had a compass, a crystal ball. Hell, even a willow tree.

I’m trying to have faith that, no matter which road I choose, the adventures will be plentiful and rewarding. It’s just hard to see anything past these thick jungle leaves.

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~ by Valerie Anne on 03/17/2011.

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