Gleecap 2.16 – Original Song

aka Why Haven’t We Ever Written Songs Before

This episode of Glee opens as all episodes of Glee should open – with a song.

Blaine busts through some doors, scattering papers everywhere, and all the Warblers join in his song with much excitement. Except Kurt. Kurt looks like he actually IS in misery, and while he is do-do-do-ing and following the other boys, he is full of eye-rolly goodness.  Because let’s face it, we all love Blaine – Kurt, especially. But we’re sick of his one man show.  Kurt says it better than I could: “Your solos are breathtaking. They’re also numerous.”  Kurt, in his adorably honest way, tells Blaine that he doesn’t like feeling like backup and Blaine stands there watching him leave as if he just got splashed with cold water.  In this slightly jaw-dropped expression, however, I detect more surprise than hurt.  I think he had just never thought about it before.  But Kurt has opened his eyes.

Back at McKinley, Rachel is dragging Finn by his leash into the choir room so that she can sing us what will be the first of many original songs this episode. She claims this one is more emotional and hands Finn a tissue box – just in case.

She then sings a beautiful but ridiculous song called, “Only Child” in which not only does she say “only child” like thirteen times, but the closing line is: “The only Berry on my family tree.” To which I chortled aloud.  Finn is more respectful than me and politely tells her that it’s better than My Headband but still needs some work.  He says she needs to write her songs from the same place she sings them from.  She needs to dig deep and scrunch up her face while holding a pen and see what happens.

Lurking in the hallway like the creeper she has been lately is Queen Quinn herself.

She then manages to make herself even CREEPIER by longingly gazing at tiaras and crowns and swooning via voiceover about how she can’t be Queen without Finn as her King.  She literally says, “He’s my first love. And first loves are forever.” which sounds kind of crazy to me. But then she says that we MUST be thinking, “You’re smart  and super pretty and relatively sane for a girl.”  Which is wrong. I was thinking “Where did you find this cabinet of crowns?”  So it’s official: that sweet, nurturing Quinn who told Mercedes she was beautiful and amazing is gone and Queen Bitch is back.  She wants her title to be official. And she’ll do anything to get it.

She decides her next move will be to befriend Rachel Berry. She then flashes an eerie grin before disappearing into a cloud of black smoke while laughing maliciously. [Okay that last part might have just been in my head.]

Kurt is singing with Pavarotti, the Warbler Canary that he has been looking after, when the poor little tweety bird just drops dead.  Kurt interrupts the boys, who are amidst a heated debate about the uniforms for regionals, wearing all black and looking quite solemn. He says the little guy was his inspiration and takes one more quick stab about Blaine and his solos before asking if he can sing a song for his fallen friend.  Kurt sings a moving rendition of Blackbird, which is not only appropriate for a bird’s funeral, but also because HE’S a little blackbird. That’s what all this Blaine-jabbing has been about.  He just wants to take his broken wings and learn to fly.  As the rest of the Warblers join in inexplicable perfect harmony, Blaine sees the talent and passion spewing out of this porcelain doll and is so moved that he stops his ‘bum-bum-bum’s to stare at him, wheels of revelation turning under that perfect mess of hair.

At Glee rehearsal, Mr. Schuester tells the kids that they can’t sing Sing [heh] at regionals because they got a letter from the band asking them not to. Turns out this is just another tactic of the enemy in World War Sue, though they’ve never sung songs they actually rehearsed at competitions, so I’m not sure why anyone’s surprised or worried.  Rachel brings up the songwriting idea again and Santana’s hand goes up to vote her down before she even knows what she said.  Because that’s how she rolls. Quinn jumps in and backs Rachel up, saying they should write a song together. Rachel looks confused and suspicious but Finn speaks up and agrees.  Suddenly Santana (who is sitting next to but far from Sam, by the way) protests again – everyone should be able to write songs, not just the queen of cold and the dorky diva.

So it’s decided – New Directions will be doing original songs at regionals.

I hope you’re ready for songwriting magic.

But first, the most beautiful scene of this episode.

Peaceful, quiet piano music is playing in the background. Brittany approaches Santana at her locker and softly says, hey. She asks if she can ask a question and tells Santana she misses being her friend. Santana uses all of her energy to keep her eyes trained on the locker in front of her and snaps, “Still waiting for the question.”  Brittany asks if she did anything wrong and Santana whips around to face her. She looks her in the eye and says, “You blew me off. To be with Stubbles McCripplepants.” She tells Brittany that it’s her loss and that now she can write a song for Sam. She calls it an “awesome, heterosexual song” and she throws the word ‘heterosexual’ at Brittany like it was a slushie.  Brittany looks at her with the kindest eyes and asks why she was still dating Sam, since she told her she was in love with her.  Santana turns back to her locker and quips that she doesn’t know what she was thinking.  Then she asks Brittany to stop staring at her so she can remember her locker combination.

Santana, your broken heart is showing.

Sue interrupts the gay-fest [though, being Jane Lynch, also adds to it] and throws insults at her former minions.  Brittany immediately steps up in a form of courage I’ve never seen before that I can only attribute to her wanting to stand up for Santana.  She tells Sue she can’t be mean to them anymore because she’s not their coach anymore and Santana throws a brief look at Brittany that is a little bit of surprise and admiration all at once.

Sue reminds them both that she likes to play dirty right before they roll their eyes and open their lockers and mounds of soil come pouring out of them, all over their pretty little faces. I secretly hoped there would be some muddy clean-me-off scene of reconciliation, but, you know, we can’t rush this storyline.

Back in the Warblers Lair, Blaine is spreading Kurt’s message and suggests a duet.  The idea of kazoos is also thrown around, but in the end they decide unanimously that Kurt and Blaine will sing together.  I was kind of interested to see where the kazoo thing would be going, but WHATEVER.

Songwriting seminar time!  Right off the bat, Santana is ready to sing a song she wrote for Sam.  Nothing could have prepared me for the amazingness that was to follow. I know this is a recap and not a re-hash, but I have no choice but to transcribe every single lyric to this song, because it was that good. Grammy-worthy, really.

Here goes.

Trouty Mouth

Guppy face, trouty mouth, is that how people’s lips look where you come from in the South?
Grouper mouth, froggy lips, I love sucking on those salamander lips.
Wanna put a fish hook in those lips so cherry red,
If you tried hard enough, you could suck a baby’s head.

At this point Sam is fed up and interrupts the sultry, soulful song to which Santana tells him to sit back down, arms crossed, sass flaring.  Mr. Schue steps in and says that it’s just not right for regionals and Santana just gapes incredulously while Puck takes the stage.   He has written a rockabilly song he calls “Big Ass…Heart” and it’s fun and cute but I’m sick of the fat jokes and this whole Puck/Zizes thing.  I’m just over it.

Quinn is back to her scheming for prom court and suddenly I’m not the only one who sees the psycho behind her eyes because Finn has a panicked look on his face and agrees to go public with their relationship [which I honestly forgot wasn’t public] after regionals. Rachel was taking a page out of Quinn’s book and was creeping in a doorway and now suspects something is going on at the Inn. [Get it? Finn? Quinn? Inn? Yeah, sorry. It’s just impossible to smush their names since they’re so similar.]

Blaine and Kurt has decided that they will sing Candles by Hey Monday for regionals and cops to one of the reasons he pushed for this duet is so that they could spend more time together. Kurt’s eyes are wide like all his dreams are coming true and then they do because Blaine leans in and gives him the sweetest kiss. His first real kiss. Since Brittany and Karofsky don’t count.


Our next original song of the day is Mercedes putting a tune to her catchphrase, “hell to the no”.  This song is also catchy and hilarious and full of things to which she says, “hell to the no”.  Things on this list include washing her grandmother’s nasty hair, changing her weave and eating Wheaties.  There’s even a shout-out to the tots they tried to take from her.  Santana is getting into it, and it’s nice to see her smile again.

As amazing as these songs have been, Schue thinks these kids are missing the point so he asks what their favorite song is and Brittany immediately says “My Headband” and I immediately want to wrap my arms around her, big floppy red hat and all.  Brittany is barely done with the word “headband” when Santana throws in, “You Oughta Know” by Alanis Morrisette.  As in, “I’m here to remind you of the mess you left when you went away. It’s not fair to deny me of the cross I bear that you gave to me.”

Sorry, my gaydar just went crazy. Back to our regularly scheduled program.

Will explains that most songs [My Headband excepting] that people relate to are songs about pain. So they start brainstorming about things that upset them. Namely Sue and other bullies.  Santana mentions the dirt, Mercedes recounts a time when Sue was just standing there throwing sticks at her for no reason.  All of this bullying is making them stronger, though, so that’s what their song is going to be about.

The Queen of Creep is sitting alone at the piano in the dark auditorium and Rachel appears with tears in her eyes. She nervously asks if Finn and her are together, seemingly coming from a place of sincerity.  I honestly can’t tell if she doesn’t want Quinn to get hurt because she believes Finn loves her more or if she just wants Quinn out of the way.  Either way, she believes her and Finn will be together and Quinn strongly disagrees. She suddenly proves that the baby took her heart with her on it’s way out of her vagina, because she slaps Rachel with her cruelty, telling her that she’s living in a fantasy world and she’s never going to get it right.

Then suddenly Rachel is crying and she digs deep and scrunches up her face while holding a pen and writes a song. It’s called, “Get It Right’. Take that, Quinn. You being a twat resulted in a song for regionals that you weren’t needed to help write.

Sue confesses to Will that she forged the letter from My Chemical Romance and she says she custom-made the set list for the judges, who happen to be the newscaster douche from last time and two religious figures (though one is a former-stripper), so we see that she wasn’t lying when Oral Intensity starts singing an upbeat rendition of, “Jesus is A Friend of Mine“.  Backstage, Kurt is nervous and Blaine is supportive and it’s so cute I could pull a Pavarotti and keel over.

The Warblers sing Candles and some P!nk [because what else would an all-boys school sing…good anthem though, so points for that] and it’s well-performed and they’re precious as always and there are glowsticks but we all know they’re not going to win so we try not to get too attached.  Our favorite Gleeks are being supportive and jump up to cheer on their former classmate, as does most of the audience.

Then, the moment we’ve all been waiting for.

First, just Rachel. Obviously. She sings  Get It Right and Rachel makes sure Finn knows that she means it. It’s about being overwhelmed when it feels like you’ve done everything right but things keep going wrong.  Brittany and Tina come out and sing backup because they didn’t get their own original songs and we have to make sure the judges know that New Directions isn’t just one person.

Kurt leans to Blaine and goes, “Oh my God, they’re doing original songs” because he’s heard every song ever in the history of the universe and he would OBVIOUSLY know if this were a preexisting song.

Rachel puts her heart and soul into every note and Finn gives his dorky little half-smile and I think he fell back in love with Rachel, though only time will tell.  This power ballad gets a standing ovation as the rest of the Gleeks join in. Rachel drinks in the applause and introduces the rest of her cast team and we zoom in on the combat boots they’re wearing under their cocktail attire tapping to the new upbeat song that has started.

This song is perfection. First of all, in the second line of the song, Rachel sings, “You may say that I’m a freak show” and Santana gives a sassy face and says, “I don’t care.”

There was bouncy and energetic dancing, there were lines that tied in actual things in their lives (to which Sue looked nervous and guilty).  There was Kurt literally not being able to contain his excitement. And magically having found foam fingers under his seat…There was Mr. Schuester absolutely teeming with pride and joy in the wings. And anti-bullying lines like “Everyone you want to be prolly started out like me” and “I just shake it off, I’ll get you back when I’m your boss”.

It even featured the Glee pose!


Then at the end Mike Chang scoots out with a slushie cart and the Glee club throws confetti slushies at the audience.

Honestly, if I didn’t know any better, I would have thought that this was a series finale. It was so perfect.

So the judges this year are Kathy Griffin, Adele from Grey’s Anatomy and the Newscaster. Kathy is playing a super-religious homophobe, which is hilarious because she’s the most inappropriate woman ever and 90% of her fans are gay men, which she acknowledges and adores. Adele is doing a Sister Act and is a stripper-turned-nun who’s really only doing it for the free housing. And then Gadabout is just a loud douchey idiot.  Kathy frowns on the fact that Dalton Academy sang one gay duet and one song about freaks snatching panties.  She likes the Jesus song, but Adele said it was a cheap trick. And she would know, considering she used to be one.  They bring up New Directions and it becomes pointedly clear that Kathy Griffin’s character is off her rocker, so they put it to a vote.

And the winner is….


Then Sue punches the drunk announcer woman in the face and I was so confused and I’m pretty sure Sue needs anger management.

Kurt is burying his pet and mourning the loss of regionals, but Blaine comforts him and says at least they have each other. They hold hands and leave together and I really hope they find a way to keep incorporating them into the storyline, even though it’s slightly disjointed from our other Gleeks.

Will walks into the choir room on the phone with none other than the Goddess herself! Miss Holiday can’t wait to see the regionals video which means they’re dating which means WE HAVE NOT SEEN THE END OF HOLLY THE HOLY!

Schue congratulates his kids and says that he has an MVP award to give out. They all not knowingly, except for Rachel, who is then presented with a little gold star trophy for being the one who pulled the team together to lead them to victory.  She starts to make a speech and instead of it being a cocky ridiculous Rachel speech, it’s a touching, heartfelt exposure of how she really appreciates feeling special and belonging to something that she’s so passionate about.

And then this episode of Glee ends as all episodes of Glee should end. With a group hug.

~ by Valerie Anne on 03/19/2011.

6 Responses to “Gleecap 2.16 – Original Song”

  1. hi there
    this is actually a question unrelated to your post (though i do share the glee love) – just wondering if you are able to change that banner picture on this particular wordpress theme? have been considering using it, but i would want to have my own banner pic rather than the blue and green swirly thing…
    also, are the colours etc customisable or pretty much only the content itself?
    sorry to bother u with this question but it seems fortuitous to stumble across your blog while asking myself these very questions….

    thanks, j

    • Yes, if you choose this theme, you can change different things. I know you can change the blue and green swirly things, and I think the background, but I’m not sure about the rest of the colors.

      It’s no bother – I just hope my answer helped! The name of the theme is ChaoticSoul, by the way, which is part of the reason I chose it! 🙂

  2. great thanks this is very helpful 🙂

  3. Although Quinn has been pretty bitchy I think you mischaracterized what she told Rachel at the piano. She did not do it joyfully to Rachel to hurt her. She was not happy as she said it. I think it was more of an acknowledgement that the life with Finn in the suburbs is all she is going to amount to while Rachel will get out and do more with her life. There was a pain in her face and voice as she described what she foresees to be her future. I don’t think she really sees ending up with Finn as a prize (and why should she?) but the reality of how their lives will end up. She will get Finn because they will both be left and they are “those” people. Hurting Rachel may have been a bonus as she described all of that, but I really don’t think it was her intention. She was telling it as she sees it. The unsaid part was that Rachel is going to do more than she ever will.

    • You make a good point, but she still told Rachel she was living in a fantasy world and while I know it was coming from a place of jealousy, her words were still unnecessarily harsh. I think I’ve been hard on Quinn because this whole striving for Prom Queen has really gotten to me. I really started to like Quinn a lot, and now she’s reverting to her old bitchy self. I realize it’s because she’s trying to find her place in the school hierarchy and comes from a place of self-consciousness but the Glee kids are the ones who were there for her, so it bothers me that she’s lashing out at them.

      Thank you for that comment – I never really saw it like that before. I’ll try to be more fair to Quinn in the future. 🙂

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