Learning the Hard Way

Today I learned an important lesson.

I’ve been learning this lesson over and over for a very long time, but I had never found the words for this lesson until today.

The lesson?

When you go into battle with yourself, you’re always going to lose. Even if you win.

In high school my battle with myself was about my weight. I would be like, “Fine, body, if you won’t be skinny, I won’t give you food. How do you like THEM apples?”

Turns out my body didn’t like them apples and I’d be sluggish and moody and dizzy.  I might have lost some weight, but I was also just losing.

In college my battle with myself was about my procrastination. I would be like, “Okay, self, if you want to put things off until the last minute, I will not give you sleep. How do you like THEM apples?”

Those apples weren’t very favorable either.  I would stay up all night writing a paper and then I’d be exhausted and cranky and almost delirious.  I might have finished my assignment, but I wasn’t learning anything in the class I attended on zero sleep.

Today this lesson came in a simpler form. A more event-specific version of the lesson, which has also come up in various forms throughout the years.

My stomach has hurt for the past couple of days every time I eat something. Yesterday for lunch, all I had was a sandwhich with hummus and cucumbers, hoping those fairly simple and bland foods wouldn’t upset my insides. Alas, before long, the all-too-familiar feeling as though my intestines had been knotted together joined me in my daily activities. So, today, I was annoyed.

I said, “Fine, tummy, if you’re going to hurt no matter what I put in you, I’m going to put a big, delicious burrito in you. How do you like THEM apples?”

Because, apparently, I never learn.

Sure enough, not only did my intestines soon feel like they would be tied up in knots, but now it also felt like a cherry bomb went off in my stomach.

So, yes, I got my delicious burrito, but I still had to experience the pain. Not the smartest thing I’ve ever done.

Take note, friends: When you go into battle with yourself, you’re always going to lose. Even if you win.

It’s a lesson I’ve learned, but I’m sure I won’t stop going into battle with myself. But at least I can’t pretend to be surprised when even victories turn out to also be defeats.

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~ by Valerie Anne on 03/24/2011.

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