Gleewind 2.02 – Britney/Brittany

Aka Brittana Sex Riot

So, the plot didn’t really progress very much in this episode, therefore I feel comfortable deviating from my usual format of making the actual script of the episode look like Cliff’s Notes.  This is mostly because I intend on throwing you many visual aids, as the performances were by far the most compelling part of this episode, and I don’t want this entry to literally be a mile long.  So instead, I will do what recaps are probably SUPPOSED to do, and only give you a brief synopsis.

Don’t worry, I don’t plan on sticking to this original format permenantly. Unless you all come out from your silent shadows and shout “Oh man, this short version was so much better! Please stop writing short novels about each episode!” of course. Then, I would consider doing it this way more often.

But you silent readers don’t usually have much to say, so I doubt you’ll cause such a hullabaloo.

To the show!

So Will is prattling on about Adult Contemporary music and the Glee kids are reacting in a very age-appropriate way – bored.  Kurt interjects and suggests they do something more...relevant. Like the Great and Powerful Britney. Will doesn’t find Miss Spears to be a very suitable role model, so he quickly vetoes this.  Rachel chimes in and says that they grew up with Britney so it would make sense that they honor her in song. Now, when Rachel says they “grew up” with Britney, she means it in a very different way than I do when I say it.  When I say it, I mean: “I was twelve when Britney first became popular and I bought all of her CDs and LOVED to jump around my room listening to her music.  I watched all the ups and downs of her career and really related to some of her songs. She just got me.”  When Rachel says it, she means “I was four when Britney first became popular so a few years later, when I was old enough, I had my dads buy me her Greatest Hits album on iTunes and it was pretty cool.”

Our own lovable Brittany chimes in and asks that Glee not sing any Britney songs. You see, our spacey friend has lived in the icon’s shadow all her live, having been cursed with the name Brittany S. Pierce.  Will uses this encouragement to put his foot down on the Britney argument.  Kurt lashes out at Britt and Santana tells him to back off.

Back in her office, Emma sort of sides with the kids, saying that Britney can actually be spun into a positive role model if done properly. Schue is still resistant and Emma tells him to chill out a little.  He raises and eyebrow at her and she explains how her new beau has been spicing up her life a little – they even mix the red and green grapes together. Mayhem.  Cue Uncle Jesse, himself.

Suave and handsome as ever, he introduces himself to Will and gives Emma a kiss that sends her Doe eyes a-bulging.  In a desperate attempt to please Emma, Will invites Uncle Jesse – or should I say, Dr. Uncle Jesse – to talk to his Glee kids about dental hygiene.  As it turns out, since Dr. Pepper is NOT a dentist, Miss Pierce needs some serious work done.  In fact, most of the Gleeks could use a visit to the dentist, and so the fun begins.

First comes Brittany, whose teeth are the worst Uncle Jesse has ever seen.  She needs to be put under for this work, she he’s going to administer the anesthesia right there in his office without any assistants whatsoever.  Because this is 2011, Pandora is at the ready and he puts it on right before putting the mask on.  As she starts to drift, Brittany hears the beginnings of the music and quietly protests, “Not Britney!”  But after what happens next? I say “YES Britney. In fact, MORE Britney!”

Fortunately, more Britney is exactly what I got.  Britt is infused with a new confidence and declares such in Glee rehearsal.  Will won’t relent though, and is still yammering about Michael Bolton and the like.  This causes Kurt to literally snap and call Schue uptight in a manner that not only gets him sent to the principal’s office, but earns him this reaction from the Princess of Bitchtown herself:

Rachel is next at the dentist, and she too falls asleep to the Britney Pandora station Uncle Jesse fairly creepily always has ready in his office.  To this, surprisingly enough, I also say “yes”.

Rachel had been fighting with Finn, being all kinds of scary and clingy, telling him that she was glad he was off the football team so she could be the only thing that made him happy.  When she starts dressing like Britney, while she gets a backhanded compliment from Santana, Finn protests asking her how that’s even fair.  Will sees that Rachel’s confidence also seems to have been boosted by this diva and starts to waver.  He also bought a sports car but I’d rather not get into that because it’s the beginning of his crazy desperate phase and I really don’t feel like talking about Psycho Terry right now.

Santana decides to go with Brittany to her follow up appointment despite having perfect everything teeth because she wants to “get her anesthesia on” with her girlfriend best friend.  Just when I though this episode couldn’t possibly get any more magical…

Artie also goes to the dentist and has a Britney fantasy, and though his rendition of Stronger was actually pretty good because when he’s not trying to rap his voice isn’t bad at all, I cannot recount this scene for you, because it’s about his dream to be on the football team [THE FOOTBALL TEAM!] and there’s wheelchair dancing and I JUST CAN’T, OKAY? I’m sorry.  Here, this is all I can give you from his fantasy. Take it or leave it.

Sue basically forbids Will to do Britney which is really all the motivation he needs to change his mind.  However, he’s taking Emma’s advice too far (also, see aforementioned crazy desperate phase) and decides to perform WITH the kids in a pep rally performance of Toxic.

Fortunately, he has a lot in common with Justin [OUR Justin, teenyboppers. Not your Justin. The real Justin.] so it kind of works. Until you realize it’s a grown man performing a song with sexual connotation with teenagers.  But it’s hard to think of that when things like this are going on:

McKinley High is so riled up by this stellar performance that Sue panics and declares it a Britney Spears Sex Riot and pulls the fire alarm, causing mass chaos to erupt.  She blames Will, Will blames her.  Though, eventually, Will realizes that he was being a little inappropriate by performing with the kids.  He apologizes to Emma for being ridiculous, returns his car, and chills out a little.

Rachel basically gives Finn an ultimatum – it’s her or football.  Did I mention the clingy? Because that’s just scary, Rachel. If her reasoning was more heavy on the side of her being afraid he’d get hurt, I’d get it. But her fear lies in that if he’s on the football team, he’ll be “cooler” than her and will be more likely to run off with a Cheerio.  Which is a little too Psycho Terry for my liking.

She eventually realizes that she’d rather be with him, the football player, than without him and I think even realizes that she was being a little insane.  She asks Will if she can revert to the original assignment and chooses an adult contemporary song that doesn’t suck.  Because, I mean, nothing Paramore does really sucks, does it?

Next time on Glee…the kids discuss religion…oh, Cheezus.

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~ by Valerie Anne on 03/29/2011.

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