Gleewind 2.03 – Grilled Cheesus

AKA The One That Earned Chris Colfer All of His Awards

We open with Finn in his kitchen making himself a grilled cheese sandwich on the George Foreman – which, honestly, impresses me a little. I had to teach my little brother how to make Easy Mac the summer before he left for college. The grill is a little shoddy since Finn once put a monster sized shoe in there, so the sandwich comes out a little burnt.  And in that burnt bread? Finn sees Jesus.

He’s still hungry, so he eats the non-Jesus half of the sandwich and brings the other half upstairs to have a little chat.  He’s not really a religious person, so he asks the Cheesy Lord to help his team win their first football game of the season. He says he thinks it will mean a lot to Artie and I’m genuinely touched by Finn’s childish demeanor.  I just wanted to pat our little Finnocence on the head and go, “Good idea, kiddo.”

Unlike Finn, Burt Hummel is not allowed to eat grilled cheese. Kurt has brought him some disgustingly healthy breakfast because he needs to start taking care of himself, which is quite the foreshadowing move.  Burt Hummel puts his Best Dad hat on and tells Kurt to be home for Friday night dinner, because they’re tradition and they’re sacred and he wants to make sure they’re spending time together. Kurt puts on his Ungrateful Little Shit hat and tells him he has more important plans.

Finn’s first prayer came true, so he asks Glee to pay homage to his bro Jesus in Glee this week.  He starts this speech as if he’s coming out of the closet, and when he reveals that the man in his life is JC, Rachel’s face says it all.

And I just love Santana’s “WTF” face so I’m going to share that as well.

Quinn and Mercedes are on board with the religious music, but Kurt isn’t buying into it.  Puck says he’s a Jew for Jesus, but he thinks spirituality is more about enjoying the life you’ve been given. And just when I was about to applaud him for being so wise, he opens his mouth again and says that he sees God every time he makes out with a new chick.  To which Brittany smirks.

He then sings Only The Good Die Young which I love [it’s so true – us Catholic girls start much too late] and I start wiggling my shoulders to the beat, and next thing you know Quinn is joining in. Everyone gets up and somehow knows this weird clap-over-the-head thing? Is this a universal move for this song?  Anyway, Kurt’s not very impressed by any of it.

Back in the auto shop, Burt Hummel is in distress. He drops to the ground and takes my heart with him. The music gets dark and Emma starts slow-motion running down the hall and I start to panic because when Glee gets serious, I get nervous.  It turns out Burt had an arrhythmia and is unconcious.  We won’t know how the lack of oxygen to his brain affected him until he wakes up, but no one knows when that will be. Will and Emma are all cute and hand-holdy while they support the potentially about-to-be-orphaned Kurt. Kurt asks to be alone with his daddy and takes his hand and asks him to squeeze it if he can hear him.  He says, “I’m holding your hand right now, please squeeze it” and I’m shouting “OH GOD, BURT, PLEASE SQUEEZE HIS HAND”. But there is no squeeze and my heart breaks right there for our little china doll.

Finn gets down on his knees and says “What up” to his new talisman.  This time, instead of going the sweet and for-someone-else route, he prays to cop a feel on his girlfriend. Real nice, Finn. Real nice.

Back in Glee, everyone is hugging Kurt in support. Brittana approaches and Santana puts on her genuine voice and says she’s really sorry. Brittany gives him a book report she wrote in crayon about heart attacks.  Finn storms in and wonders why he’s the last to know, but Kurt’s still feeling a little bitter about their recent fighting.

Mercedes doesn’t know what to say to her bestie, so she decides to sing to him. It’s beautiful and about turning to God for support [and since when do high school Glee clubs have harps?!] and Kurt thanks her, but tells his friends he’s an atheist.   He’s more than a little pretentious about it and compares God to Santa Clause and says that he appreciates thoughts but doesn’t want prayers. And I’m sorry, I’m sad for Kurt – I love Burt Hummel pretty much more than any TV dad ever. But that was just rude. I don’t care what you believe in, don’t ask people to NOT pray for you. If you don’t believe in God, then their prayers are just thoughts. It can’t hurt. And it’s still positive energy in your general direction. So stop taking your pain out on your friends, Kurt, okay?!

Rachel gets Finn alone in his room and asks him to sit down so that she can look into his eyes and not his kneecaps. Because of his recent religiosity, she wants to make sure he’s okay with raising little Jewish Frankenbabies.  He thinks yarmulkes are cool, so he agrees and she lays him down and lets him touch her “chest” which, let’s be honest, was probably similar to touching his own chest.

Back in Sue’s office we see that Brittana is technically still spying on the Glee club but they’re no longer maliciously sharing gossip, but instead sharing details and even defending it.  They tell Sue that mostly everyone’s just trying to help Kurt right now and Brittany tells her that she made Burt a card that said, “Heart attacks are just from loving too much” and it was just the sweetest thing. And Santana agrees.

THEN lil miss Emma STORMS into Sue’s office, FURIOUS that she’s trying to take away these kids’ attempts to give this broken little boy who might lose his really awesome father something to get him through it.  I personally ADORE Angry Emma with all of my heart, because it’s such a shift from our normal, mousy, quiet Emma that you know she MEANS it.  And it’s usually in defense of the kids or the Glee club so it’s really just wonderful.  And from Sue’s reaction, it seems that she legitimately thinks she’s doing a good thing by trying to get religious songs banned from Glee club. She stopped believing in God when He didn’t fix her big sister, and she doesn’t want any of these kids having false hope. It’s actually really sweet in a sad, shattered soul kind of way.

Finn wants the hattrick of answered prayers, so goes back to his holy sammich and asks to be made quarterback again.  He gets interrupted by Puck, who doesn’t mock him for praying. Instead, he says he’s actually been praying for Burt lately. Finn looks embarrassed as he recalls all the things he’s been praying for.  He continues to look guilty as Rachel takes him out to a gorgeous lake/park location that should definitely be used for future numbers [Glee field trip?!] and sings a prayer for Mr. Hummel. It’s very moving but I’m pretty sure the character singing this song is supposed to be singing to her dead father, so it seems a little insensitive. And then a little creepy when she finishes the song by Burt’s hospital bed. Since, you know, he’s not her father. And [hopefully] has never kissed her goodnight.  It seems like Kurt should have been singing this song.  Instead, he storms in and tells everyone to scoot because he’d rather stick tiny needles into his dad’s head than have people sing to him and say nice things around him.

Back at school, Kurt decides to pay respects to his ill father by singing “I Wanna Hold Your Hand” because that’s how his father showed his support at his mother’s funeral.  He flashes back to happy memories with his Dad growing up – reminding us that Burt has ALWAYS been the best TV dad ever, because he even played Tea Party with his little boy, when most dads would have forced their sons to throw a baseball instead.  And mini-Kurt? A-freaking-dorable.

It was all just so beautiful. The scenes in the cemetery were breathtaking. I teared up for sure. Mercedes did, too. She approached her biffle and asked him to come to church with her on Sunday, because they were honoring his dad.  He agrees with the promise of being able to wear a ridiculous fancy hat.  Their friendship is really adorable because they’re kind of the most innocent of the group. Innocent in a sweet to the core kind of way, not innocent in a Finn tried to dry his shoes on a George Foreman kind of way.

In the football game, Sam dislocates his shoulder and Finn is appointed quarterback again, much to his shock and amazement.  Worried that it was his fault Sam got hurt, Finn goes to Emma and explains what’s been going on with Grilled Cheesus.  Emma tells him that Jesus isn’t in his sandwich and looks at him like she’s worried about how simple and possibly crazy he is.  Finn is disappointed because he liked feeling like he had a direct line to God.  He sings “Losing My Religion” because his new and fragile faith has been shaken.

At church on Sunday, Mercedes ditches Kurt to be with her chorus and tells Kurt [slash the whole church] that you don’t need to believe in God, but you have to believe in something because no one can go through this life without anything to hold on to. She sings Bridge Over Troubled Water to him, and I would say it was a little over the top for church, but something tells me there are actually churches like this.  Kurt is moved by the support these strangers are giving him, including an adorable old lady who takes his hand.

Sue is playing checkers with her sister and explains why she doesn’t believe in God. Sue’s sister says, “God never makes mistakes” and Sue looks like she’s going to cry. I love the softer side of Sue so much.

At the hospital, Kurt tells his still-unconscious father that HE’S who he believes in. Not God, but him. He apologizes for not having realized it sooner and through my misty eyes I see Burt squeeze his son’s hand.  Kurt’s eyes open wide and he half-laughs through his sobs as he cries out for the nurse.

Back at his house, a saddened Finn eats Grilled Cheesus, which he’s certainly going to regret later because, ew, old cheese.  The Glee club, dressed all in white, sings one of my favorite songs: What If God Was One Of Us.  This song made me think so much when I was little, and I simultaneously loved the idea of God being one of us and hated the idea that God could be sad.  Will tells Sue the kids really wanted to sing this song, and Sue just sits back and listens without putting up any fight.  *Sniffle*

Next week?  Duets.  You know what that means…

~ by Valerie Anne on 04/05/2011.

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