Gleewind 2.04 – Duets

aka SWEET LADY KISSES!

But more on that later.

First, Glee rehearsal.  Mr. Schue tells the kids that Puck is in juvie for promoting his solo album when he was specifically asked not to driving his car into a deli and driving off with the ATM.  Brittany, in one of her rare but beautiful moments of lucidity, laughs and says he’s the dumbest person she knows.   Will said that he had a way to keep their numbers up, though, and calls in Sam, who had apparently been hovering in the hallway, waiting to make his grand and slightly awkward entrance. Santana says he has no game and I want someone to record it so they can play it back to her later this season.

The lesson of the day? Duets.  While Mr. Schue is explaining that a duet is not a type of blanket, Kurt nudges Mercedes and says he thinks Sam plays on his team.  I thought he looked more like a surfer dude, but whatever, Kurt has decided that he wants to pair up with him for this assignment.

Will has decided to make this a competition, and the winner will get dinner for two at *drum roll please* BREADSTIX!  Where they are legally forbidden to stop bringing you breadsticks, even if you have a wheelbarrow.

Then.

Are you ready for this?

I don’t know. I know I wasn’t.

SWEET

LADY

KISSES

Like…like…I can’t. The beauty of it all. AND THE WORDS!  The first time I saw this I SWORE I must have heard it wrong. There was NO WAY Santana just said, “It’s a nice break from all that scissoring”.  But yes, YES SHE DID!

Okay, I have regained my composure. There is more to the story.

Somehow, while Santana is kissing her neck, Brittany manages to form words, and says they should do a duet together.  Panic shoots through Santana’s body like an electric shock and she sits up and assures Brit that she’s only hooking up with her because Puck’s in juvie. And she’s like a lizard. She needs something warm beneath her or she can’t digest her food.

Brittany looks hurt that Santana doesn’t want to make lady babies with her, but Santana really wants to win this competition, so she has another duet partner in mind.

Finn and Rachel practice their adorable duet, and I remember the time that I actually liked them together.  Finn reflects on their performance and declares that they’re going to win. Sadness clouds Rachel’s face and she agrees.  She tells Finn that he has made her a better person and she doesn’t want to be selfish – she thinks Sam should win this competition so that he feels more a part of the group and will stick around. Finn points out that this is still technically selfish because she knows they need him for regionals, but they’re agreeing that something needs to be done.

Brittany approaches Artie and I yell, NOOOOOOOOOOOOO but she keeps going anyway. She says that now that she’s sure he’s not a robot, she’s totally into him and wants to do a duet with him.  He seems surprised but okay with it.  I seem heartbroken.  Santana seems confused and annoyed.

Brittany makes it clear that she’s just doing this to get back at Santana and tells her that her lady bits are off limits.

Then, in the briefest of moments, a real, true moment of hurt comes over Santana when she realizes that her fear has just pushed her best friend and lover away from her.

Speaking of fear, Finn is freaking out at Kurt, telling him that if he sings with Sam, it will be like putting a giant target on Sam’s back.  When Kurt won’t budge, he goes to Sam and tries to warn him of the same thing. Sam seems surprised at Finn’s apparent homophobia, but Finn defends himself and says that it’s not him that has a problem with “gay dudes” but it’s everyone else. And we live in their world.

Sam’s not as nervous about getting slushied as Finn is, so he shrugs him off.

Then he gets slushied.

But I mean, honestly? Even if he hadn’t joined Glee, with those Botoxy lips and that Bieber hair, it was only a matter of time.

Quinn sees this happen and takes him in to the bathroom to wash the frozen beverage from his luscious locks.  She starts talking about her vagina getting died blue and instead of being distracted by the fact that she was just talking about her VAGINA he was distracted by the word “Avatar” and started speaking Na’vi to her.  Her nerd alert starts going off and she raises a cute little eyebrow at him, but seems kind of amused.

First up in the duet competition is Santana and Mercedes.  Because they wants to get their Breadstix on.  And may I just say, this number was quite enjoyable. They did the cutest little dances and their voices are both so powerful and go so well together.

Later on, Kurt sneaks up on Sam in the showers and basically breaks up with him. Sam almost looks hurt, asking if he did anything to offend him. Kurt says something sassy about wanting to sing with someone more on his level and disappears.

What he meant by this, of course was that he was going to sing a duet with himself. Santana asked, “Isn’t that, like…vocal masturbation?”. I asked, “Isn’t that, like…a solo?”  Finn and Rachel look nervous because this is the second good performance in the competition so far, and I wanted to reassure them that Kurt didn’t actually complete the assignment so they really only have to worry about Santana and Mercedes. Either way, they’re scared, so they plan on singing an offensive song to ensure that they throw this competition.

Sam and Quinn are in the science room talking about potentially doing a duet together when Sam lunges at her with those gigantic lips. Quinn has a minor meltdown, yells something about this year being about her and runs away.  I don’t really blame her, I kind of thought he was trying to suck her head like a lollipop, too.

Back in the choir room, Brittany shoots Santana a look and says, “I’m mad at you but you’re still so hot.”  Which is so true.

The Asians are duet partners, of course, and they do Sing! from A Chorus Line because Mike Chang can’t sing and it is rather precious.  Though it has become pointedly clear why Mike is usually just in the background dancing.

Artie is realizing the same thing about Brittany as she tries to copy his riffs and just isn’t meeting up to his standards. He’s trying to fill in the void that Tina left when she broke up with him, and for some reason Brittany doesn’t seem to be filling it.  However, Brittany thinks she can change his mind and, in the most awkward and uncomfortable of moments, CARRIES him to the bed.  And as much as this made my blood boil, the only reason I didn’t stop watching right then in there is because she said, “Before we duet, we’re gonna do it.”

Finn and Rachel sing their song and even though it makes me feel really stupid, I’m just going to say it. I don’t really get how it was offensive. I get that it was bad.  I get that their outfits were super weird, especially with the content of the song. But I just thought they seemed crazy. Everyone was calling them rude and I was like, “Wait, what did I just miss?”  Either way, they succeeded in ensuring they wouldn’t win this competition and claim to be “shocked” that no one liked their song. Their fake bad acting was actually sweet.

The Blondie Band sings “Lucky” and though it was cute and bubbly and fun to listen to, I couldn’t help but gag a little. Santana said what I couldn’t find the words to say, “So freaking charming”.  Also, does Quinn not have any boobs at all? They always joke about how flat Rachel is, but Quinn turned sideways at one point during this number and I SWEAR she disappeared for a second. I mean, I know those Cheerio’s uniforms aren’t the most flattering up top, but I was confused.  I guess I have to tear my eyes away from Brittana once and a while to explore this one.

Artie approaches Brittany and breaks up with her because she’s only using him for his voice.  How does he know this?

He tells her why his virginity was ESPECIALLY special to him and how she just took it from him without even caring.  Brittany insists that she did like him and had planned a Lady & The Tramp-like dinner for them and didn’t mean to hurt his feelings. It’s just…Brittany only loves Santana, so sex with anyone else is just that. Sex. Sorry, A-money.

Since everyone in the duet competition voted for themselves except Finn and Rachel, Sam and Quinn [Quam? Sinn? Does anyone ship these two?] won.  They go out to Breadstix together, and though she starts of the date being sassy towards his cheesy geekiness, he eventually manages to charm her and she decides to make this a date by putting away the coupon.  I’m fairly sure they could have still called it a date whilst still remaining frugal, but Quinn was being all kind and smiley so I’m not going to push it.

At a nearby table, Brittany is sitting alone NUDGING A MEATBALL WITH HER NOSE.

Rachel approaches Kurt and, in a sincere moment, tells him that, despite their differences, she wants him to know that the Glee kids all love him just the way he is.  She offers to sing a duet with him, just for them, not for the competition, and they start to sing the medley of Come On Get Happy and Happy Days Are Here Again that two of the greatest talents of all time once sang.  It was honestly quite the touching song, despite the fact that Rachel seemed to think the words were, “Come On Get Crazy” and was making awful faces throughout.

Next week, we time warp.

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~ by Valerie Anne on 04/12/2011.

2 Responses to “Gleewind 2.04 – Duets”

  1. If you watch the “sweet lady kisses” scene closely you notice that Naya goes in like for a real kiss and Heather starts to turn her head in. Then it appears they both remembered they weren’t supposed to actually kiss on the lips so Naya goes for the neck and Heather turns her head away. There is a split second where you actually think their lips will make contact. That still really makes it look like they are going to actually kiss. I loved this scene, but I am still holding out hope that at some point they will get a “real” kiss like Kurt and Blaine did.

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