Gleecap 2.17 – Night of Neglect

aka AM I HAPPY OR SAD?!

The Glee club needs an absurd amount of money to get themselves to nationals in New York because Sue defies legal authority and somehow is holding the Cheerios money that was allotted to them hostage.  They can save money by letting Santana and Brittany stay for free at my apartment.  Will, who deserves some kind of award for Most Consistently Having The Worst Ideas decides they are going to sell taffy as a fundraiser. I hope he stole that taffy or made it himself, because if not, it was a colossal waste of money.

Even though Brittany [of all people] is looking at the board with a scrunchie face, no one comments on the fact that 5,000 x .25 is not in fact 20,000.  Either way, Santana doubts they could sell that much crack if they wanted to, because just the other day she got a slushie thrown in her flawless face by The Homosexual Homophobe Himself.

When Quinn chimes in, agreeing that no one cares about Glee club, Mike Chang stands up and starts to leave.  When Will asks him what’s wrong, he finds his voice and tells the Glee club that him, Tina, Brittany and some other douchebag got through to the final round of a brainiac competition and their friends didn’t even care.

Will asks what we were all wondering – what is Brittany doing on this team?  Turns out they bribed her with Dots because they needed a seat to fill. I’m sure the producers of the game show were pleased with this turn of events. At least the people who got bored of hearing nerds talk about smart things could watch an adorable blonde pop candy into her mouth like a contented five year old.

Then, as it turns out, Brittany happens to also be an expert on cat diseases [duh] and catches them up to the other team enough for Artie to slay them in the lightening round – White Rappers. To which I’m fairly certain, no matter what the question was, the only possible answer would be Eminem.  So it was really just a matter of who could hit the button faster.

Mr. Schue decides that he will add the $250 the neglected Academic Decathlon teams need to go on to the next round to the amount of money they will raise selling taffy, and I’m really glad he teaches Spanish, not math.

Meanwhile, Sue is up to no good, as usual.  She has rounded up the big bads of Lima, Ohio. The coach of Vocal Adreniline who has a Bluetooth permanently attached to his ear, Sandy the old Glee Coach that Rachel got fired for accusing him of being a pedophile and Terry, Will’s crazypants ex-wife.

She wants to use their mutual hate for Will and the Glee club to bring them down together, as a team – nay, as a League of Doom.  The Pink Dagger, The Honeybadger and Sergeant Handsome are awarded beepers to await their tasks and they all start talking at once, making Sue doubt her choice of minions.

Enter: Miss Holly Holiday

Holly and Will are being all adorable and coupley and Will asks her what she thinks of his taffy idea.  She tells him it’s “as terrible as the word ‘brainiac’” and tells him to instead have a benefit concert.  Holly Holiday: Saving the world from Terrible Ideas since 2010.

The idea is to perform using “neglected artists”.  Rachel thinks this means her, and she’s at least closer than pretty much every one else’s ideas of neglected artists…including her own second idea.  But we’ll get to that later.

Sue calls Sergeant Handsome away from his lurking spot and has him walk down the hallway with her.  He secures his spot as my favorite Sue-pervillain by saying that he had been blending in really well and was surprised she even spotted him.  His mission, should he choose to accept it, is to break up William Schuester and Holly Holiday. I was pretty sure Sandy wasn’t allowed near children anymore, but he takes Sarge’s place next to Sue wearing some atrocious outfit and she gives him his assignment – to start a Heckling Club.

This club consists of Karofsky’s butt buddy, Jewfro and Becky Jackson.  None of them seem to know what’s going on, but since none of them have anything better to do, they’ll probably go along with whatever the evil coach tells them to.

In the hallway, some of the Glee kids are discussing what songs they’ll sing for the benefit.  If this was actually a Glee Club assignment, Tina is the only one who passed this lesson.  She says she’s doing to sing Lykke Li, who I had never heard of.  Mike Chang pulls a Rachel and chooses himself as the neglected artist and is going to do a solo dance number.  Mercedes tries to claim that Aretha Franklin is neglected and the others protest, but she insists that she’s been neglected by the Glee Club. Which I’m sure isn’t what Holly had in mind.  Rachel follows the same path and says she’s going to sing Celine Dion’s My Heart Will Go On. To which Tina and Mike do the Azn Halt, which was them putting up a “wait a minute” finger in unison and I decided that they should just do everything in unison since they’ve pretty much melded into the same person anyway. It’s funnier that way.  It turns out Rachel’s second idea was actually still her first and she was still referring to herself as the neglected artist.

Finn interrupts this absolute failure to understand the concept of the Night of Neglect by telling them Sunshine Corazon is in the auditorium.  She swears she’s not a spy and that she just wants to help the Academic Decathlon team because she knows what it’s like to be lonely.  Since she’s too awesome and short for anyone to keep up/notice her.  Really, she’s just like a smaller, more annoying Rachel and quite frankly I kind of wish she had stayed in the crack house.

She’s a little closer than anyone else to understanding the assignment, since at least her song is about neglect… but it’s still Celine Dion and she says something about making love and I start to tweak out because she’s like twelve.

Sunshine is really lucky that she has an unbelievable voice, because if she didn’t, I probably would have gone and made myself popcorn during this entire scene.  But, despite the flailing and inability to control her hands at all, her performance was very well done.

No one is listening to Rachel’s adamant protesting, and everyone agrees that they need Sunshine’s twitter followers if they want to raise any money at all.  Rachel asks Mercedes if she’s okay with losing her spot as the final number and she hesitantly agrees.  Which sends the Brainiacs into some kind of seizer that might be interpreted as some kind of secret handshake.  Luckily, Brittany is all kinds of adorable so I didn’t vomit everywhere.

Zizes approaches Mercedes in the library and tells her that she doesn’t demand enough respect from the Glee club.  Her point starts off as a great lesson for Mercedes to learn, to not let people walk all over her. But I’m sensing that they are going to demand a little more than just respect when she elects herself Mercedes’s manager and asks for 10% of everything they “can come up with”.

Back in the teacher’s lounge, Emma’s in an OCD panic and scrubbing the counter while sniffling.  Will knows this is a sign of distress and asks what wrong.  She turns her bunny rabbit eyes to him and says what I feared she’d say.

Uncle Jesse is gone. GONE!

Emma and I are heartbroken.  She’s having a lot of regrets and she really thought she’d be better by now. She looks at will with a tangible sadness and tells him that she’s just so tired.  In an impossibly sweet gesture, Will washes a grape for her while saying that he’s going to help her beat her disease. But slowly and surely.

Unfortunately, Holly Holiday also saw this affectionate moment.

Suddenly I realize I’m torn. I start exclaiming, AM I HAPPY OR SAD?! I’m sad that Uncle Jesse is gone. I’m happy Emma is single. I’m sad Holly Holiday saw this. I’m happy Will is still there for Emma. AM I HAPPY OR SAD, I JUST DON’T KNOW!

Finn and Quinn [which I’ve recently saw written as Fuinn which is better than anything I came up with] approach Rachel at her locker and ask her to be the Head of Talent Relations…it turns out they’re having a hard time dealing with Mercedes and her newfound, Zizes-inspired, divalicious attitude.  They flash back to the battery of demands and Fuinn look dumbfounded as sweet, innocent Mercedes goes all Mariah on their asses.  I’m going to attribute it to pure shock, but I was very surprised the Queen of Bitch didn’t speak up.  I’ll also lend it a little to the fact that, even though we don’t talk about it anymore, they did live together for a while when Quinn was knocked up and homeless last year, so maybe Miss Fabray has a soft spot for her.

In any case, Rachel says she’s not surprised Mercedes is finally demanding this kind of treatment and that she’ll handle it.

In history class, The Goddess is dressed up as Wallis Simpson, who I had never heard of but now know all about. It may seem ridiculous, but her teaching style is actually amazing.  It’s a proven fact that kids learn better/faster when they’re engaged. And what better way to get them engaged than dressing up like a Dutchess and giving the lesson in the first person – in a British accent, no less!

Proving my point, even BRITTANY is taking notes.  With a Kooky Pen, no less.

I bet these kids learn more on the days Miss Holiday teaches than they do the entire rest of the year combined.  It’s possible it’s because they seem to only go to class when Holly is teaching, but that’s beside the point.

After class gets out Bluetooth McAwesome comes in and tries to swoon Holly by basically saying you and me, baby, ain’t nothin’ but mammals so let’s do it like they do on the discovery channel.  He uses a line that I’m sure would work for him in any bar in New York City. “Come on, admit it, I’m handsome, I’m good looking and I’m easy on the eyes. Also, I’m gorgeous.” Holly is flattered but taken.  Sargeant Handsome makes me think maybe he should date Holly by saying some Holiday level hilarious things about Will’s tiny baby hands, which Will then threatens him with in some pathetic attempt at being macho and jealous.

Holly and Will have an awkward jealous-off and Holly says she needs to clear her head instead of rehearsing the duet. She also cheeks him when he goes in for a kiss. Things are not looking good for Wolly Schueliday.

Meanwhile, Rachel is tending to Mercedes’s needs, who is no longer even speaking and is letting Zizes do all the talking for her.  This whole scene made me uncomfortable and all my notes say is, “Hmph Mercedes. I don’t like this.”  And so it stands.

On the night of the benefit, Kurt is showing Blaine around McKinley and they run into Brittany pushing a rolly trash can down the hall. She thanks them for coming and heads into the auditorium, and Kurt looks longingly after them.  Blaine sees this and points out that Kurt must miss his friends and the adorableness is interrupted by Karofsky the Not-So-Great.  He had heard tell that they were wandering the halls and decided to come torture them, just for kicks.  While they’re slinging words I see a sexy silhouette in the background, so I miss a line or two, but the gist is that Blaine wants him to give up harassing them because they “all know what’s going on”.

He calls Blaine butt-boy (which, I mean…so original… he could have at least gone with something like butt pirate) and Blaine loses it and shoves him.  They start to tussle and Santana comes forth from the shadows and wedges herself between them, breaking them up.  Kurt tells him that he’s a coward when it comes to the truth, to which Santana inquires. He says it’s none of her business and a flashback of her frozen facial snaps her back to feisty.  Mister Homophobe says he can take “a couple of queers and a girl” and pushed Santana right over the edge.

She sasses the hell out of him, throwing in a “douchebag” for good measure, and warns him that she has razorblades in her hair. Just all up in there.

I am in love with Santana Lopez. Just saying.

Karofsky throws his hands up and leaves and Santana, satisfied with her victory, turns back to Klaine.  Blaine said they could have handled it, sporting a thankful smirk while Kurt practically beams with pride.  Santana flashes an understanding smile and says it was more fun doing it together.

I really hope that this moment between the three of them is the beginning of a beautiful reGAYtionship.  Girlfriend needs a little help finding her way back out of the closet after Brittany sent her diving headfirst back in the first time she peeped her pretty little head out.

Santana’s phone goes off and she runs of to tell the Gleeks the bad news – Sunshine pulled out from the show, taking her 600 twitter followers with her. Those are some loyal damn followers, if you ask me. Puck’s ready to throw in the towel, but Finn’s not. He says, “the show’s gotta go all over the place or something!”  So the show does, in fact, go all over the damn place.

First Tina starts this mildly disturbing acid trip of a performance. Vocally, it’s very good, it’s just kind of odd visually. Sadly, the hecklers the Sue petitioned are too good at their job and send Tina offstage mid-song crying.  Will says this is a learning experience and has an idea [uh oh] of how to shut up the hecklers for a little while.  Quinn in her little red cardigan skips out with picnic baskets of taffy for the audience, promoting her campaign for Prom Quinn Queen.  She’s so sweet and precious that even I’m hoping the big bad wolf doesn’t come to eat her crown.

Unlike 90% of his plans, Will’s taffy scheme actually works and none of the hecklers can interrupt Mike’s very unique dance number.  It even includes a dance partner, who I have come to learn is called Mop-lissa. Sometimes I wonder if Mike Chang is part robot. People shouldn’t be able to move like that.

For some reason, despite there only having been two songs and there being barely a handful of people in the audience, they’re having an intermission.  Also, the Hecklers were apparently wolfing the taffy because they’re somehow “almost out” of the baskets full that they had moments ago.  They decide to send Mercedes out there to shut them up with the power of talent, but she is nowhere to be found.  Holly sends everyone else in the room because she’s gonna handle the haterz. She’s got this, guys, don’t worry.

Holly sits the kids down and imparts some wisdom on the Hecklers, undoing what Sue and Sandy have done by telling them that the internet is ruining our generation. Bullies are bigger, badder and more diverse and prevalent than ever because the internet has made us insensitive to being mean, providing us with anonymity.  She suggests using their energy to make positive comments instead and the kids realize she’s a goddess and are embarrassed to have disappointed her, so they decide to leave.

Out in the parking lot, Rachel finds Mercedes sulking in her car and tries to encourage her to come back inside.  Mercedes asks why they get treated so differently, because they are equal in talent and people actually like her, which is something Rachel can’t say about herself.  Rachel talks about earning respect and the love of performing and tells Mercedes to come inside and take the closing slot from her. It was really a touching scene and I really love moments that I love Rachel.

Next up at the concert is Holly – I guess the duet turned into a solo. She sang Turning Tables by Adele, and again this is a song about neglect, and if this had aired a year ago, I would have stood up and cheered and said YES, ADELE IS A NEGLECTED AND HIGHLY UNRECOGNIZED TALENT! However, Adele has been blowing up lately and the world has finally joined me in seeing how amazing she is.  Honestly, Holly did a great job with the song, even though she’s no Adele, and the pain in her eyes got the message across to Will.

Mercedes finally gets over herself and gets on stage and sings her heart out, with Rachel watching with admiration in the wings.  Sandy was sent out to heckle like he had never heckled before, but he has a soft spot for Aretha and is also in awe of Mercedes and her killer vocals.  When she finishes, she tells Rachel to close the show and Rachel so graciously tells her that she just did that, and no one could follow that performance.

Holly and Will have a meetup in the hallway and Holly tells him she got offered a job out of town.  She feigns enthusiasm and he asks if she really has to leave. She looks at him knowingly and tells him that she meant what she sang and she can’t let him break her heart, though I fear he already has.  She tells him that him and Emma belong together and walks away, tearfully agreeing to come back to visit someday.

I really hope she wasn’t kidding, because I can’t go on knowing I will never experience the magic of Holly Holiday ever again. So I’m going to trust her for now.  This was another point in the episode where I was excited that Will and Emma are closer to being able to be together, but I’m going to miss the Goddess. AM I HAPPY OR SAD?!?!?

Back in the choir room, Sandy is gushing to the students and, as it turns out, has agreed to pay for the Brainiacs trip to the finals, because the arts matter.  He leaves, saying that they have all just been poked by the Pink Dagger and I think she was just too grossed out by it to realize, but Santana missed her cue:

So despite the fact that it’s illegal drug money, the smartypants can move on to their next round and are beyond excited about it.

Sue is disappointed in her League/Legion of Doom/Evil and tells Terry it’s her turn to do her biddings.

In Detroit, the Brainiacs give a shout out before continuing on their quest for victory.

And, as luck would have it, the category they are being faced with is none other than the very lesson they had learned from Holly Holiday earlier this episode.

Next week? Ninety minute Born This Way episode…my recap is going to be longer than Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.

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~ by Valerie Anne on 04/23/2011.

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