I am not, never have been and never will be a food blogger.
This does not mean I will never blog about food.
I happen to enjoy food a lot.
I don’t tend to follow many recipes, and when I do I tend to screw them up.
As it turns out, however, sometimes I’m good at just winging it and combining things I know that I like into something I like even more.
Hence, Magical Mashies.
I honestly don’t know if I’d be able to replicate them again, at least not exactly, but I believe I have invented my new favorite side dish. Like I said, I don’t usually follow recipes, but I’ll just lay out my steps and maybe you can try it someday.
- First, prepare to make instant mashed potatoes. Measure out exactly how much water, margarine, milk and spud flakes the box tells you to, and follow their instructions to a T.
- Realize you somehow ended up with potato flavored soup and add more flakes.
- Add more margarine and feel empowered by ignoring the rules on the box. Add a few more flakes just out of sheer madness.
- Transfer potatoes out of pot and into smaller container because the high walls of pot are infringing on your mad scientist-esque fork stirring.
- When the potatoes reach optimal fluffiness, sprinkle in some grated parmesan cheese – just a thin layer along the top. Mix them in.
- Repeat, because you can’t see the cheese anymore, so you’re not sure there was enough.
- Realize that white cheese melted in white potatoes isn’t going to show.
- Take out a few slices of individually wrapped American cheese from the fridge.
- Unwrap one. Eat it.
- Unwrap another and break it into four pieces. Add said pieces to potatoes.
- Wonder why it doesn’t seem like the cheese is melting at all and start remembering your long forgotten fear of individually wrapped cheese slices.
- Stir more frantically.
- Once satisfied that the cheese seems to be melting, break up a few more slices and add them in.
- Stir frantically right away this time to quell hesitations about the makeup of the unnaturally orange cheese.
- Once cheese is [mostly] melted, mix in a thin layer of garlic powder.
- Whip with fork until there are no more bright orange lumps or little garlic flakes left.
Congratulations! If the concoction in front of you is kind of brown, kind of smooth and kind of thick? You have successfully made my Magical Mashies. I know it kind of looks like the porridge they serve the orphans but trust me, if it was, more kids than just Oliver would have been asking for more.