Antici….

pation.

When you’re waiting for something that’s not going to happen for a while, time refuses to function properly.

As the minutes tick by you’re convinced they stopped moving. You can think of all these things to do to fill the time, but nothing seems to help.

“Okay, I’ll just write these emails, then it will be almost time.”

“How on earth did that only take 5 minutes?! Okay, I’ll do this little project here.”

“Ten minutes…not bad…still have a few hours to go…Hmm…I’ll go to the kitchen to refill my water.”

“What?! Did that take negative 30 seconds?!”

It’s like torture. You don’t want to get too into any one thing, because you want to leave on time. Also, you can’t really focus on anything anyway. The clock is taunting you, moving criminally slow.

The only silver lining to this seemingly neverending torture is that when the time finally DOES come, it’s such a liberating feeling. Like you had been locked in a dark, cold, damp basement behind a giant, metal, time-released door and the clock finally reached zero and the door swung open, releasing you into the fresh air and bright sunlight.

So I try to keep that in mind. Try to be patient. Try to distract myself with useful tasks. Try to stay calm.

It doesn’t help that I know that my first bout of waiting will only be met by another. When work is over, I’ll have to go wait in line for the undoubtedly late bus.  The odds are against me. I’ve been on a timely Megabus exactly one time. So I know there will be waiting. And I don’t have any books to read on my person. And I plan on watching Lost Girl on my laptop on the bus, but I can’t very well whip out my laptop in line in the rain.

So instead there will be more waiting. More fidgeting and skipping songs on my iPod and texting random people, hoping they’re near enough to their phones to text me back immediately. More being antsy and trying to be patient and trying to distract myself and trying to stay calm.

But again, that feeling of finally being nestled into my seat will be a lovely thing.

And that moment when the bus finally pulls into South Station and I’m released into the city I grew up in?

That moment makes the rest totally worth it.

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~ by Valerie Anne on 05/20/2011.

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