Gleecap 2.21 – Funeral

AKA The One That Reminded Us that Sue Sylvester Is Human

AAKA The One That Made Me Cry Like A Small Child

What? If you’re allowed to have post-post scripts, I’m allowed to have also-also known as’s.

Eh hem.

We open this ominously titled episode in the choir room, where Schue introduces Jesse St. James as their new Show Choir Consultant.  Rachel claps enthusiastically, while the rest of the Glee kids, myself included, narrow their eyes suspiciously in his general direction.

Jesse confirms our concern by being an utter douchebag.  College has made him mean. I remember him being a bit of a prat [sorry, I’m in the midst of reading the Harry Potter series] but I don’t remember this downright cruelty.

*Flashes back to The Egg Thing.*

Oh, right.

Onward, then, shall we?

Jesse has become Mr. Schuester’s own personal Bad Idea Bear and has not only conviced him that the New Directions should use original songs for Nationals, but has also decided that they will focus the entire show around whichever one person is the most talented.  They will be holding auditions to find out who this person is, since no one has ever heard any of these kids sing before.

Finn tries to protest, but Trouty Mouth goes to the same hair salon as Jesse, so he’s on his side.

The whole next scene makes me uncomfortable because Sue literally tries to get minors killed by re-routing the flights to nationals to someplace dangerous, so I’m going to just skip right on over this. However, I would like to point out that Mr. Figgin’s email address is “GettinFiggywithit” – at AOL no less – thus solidifying his spot as my favorite principal since Mr. Belding.

Out in the hallway, Becky Jackson, accompanied by her mother, asks Mr. Schue if she can join the Glee Club.  He asks her why she doesn’t want to do the Cheerios anymore, and her mother informs him that Sue kicked her off the squad. Becky gives him a downtrodden look and we flash back to the moment where Sue asked her to turn in her pom-poms. She doesn’t give a reason, but her tone is less harsh than usual, even though her words are telling Becky she never wants to see her again.

Will looks dumbfounded and doesn’t really know how to respond to Becky’s request.  He wants to be the Best Teacher Ever, but he can barely get Finn to dance without injuring someone.  He tells Becky that she can join next year, since they’re a week away from nationals. As if they already had all of their songs planned, choreographed, or even WRITTEN for goodness sake. But, I get his point. A new member at this stage in the game would be tough. And they already bought their tickets to New York.  Becky’s mother is surprisingly understanding [parents are usually beasts about things like this] and I secretly am sad Burt is off the market.

Will storms into the teacher’s lounge and berates Sue for such injustice, who coolly and curtly tells Will that Becky reminds her of her sister and that her sister died yesterday.  She then goes into a mistier story of her loss that causes the first tears to begin to glimmer behind my eyes, but she asks Will to leave her alone when he reaches out to comfort her.

Unaware of the travesty going on in the Coach’s life, the other kids have started to sign up for the game of American Idol they’ll be playing. Rachel sticks her classic star next to her name and runs to catch up with Finn, asking him why he hasn’t signed up.  Finn’s over it, and blames Jesse for these feelings. He’s come in and mucked up the dynamic and Finn wants no part in it.

Emma is helping Schue pack for New York.  Turns out, he’s sticking around after Nationals to be in April’s show, which he’s pretty convinced will close after opening night.  Emma says the word “vest” with her adorable little lisp about a hundred times and Will tells the story behind each one, as though they were photos in an album.  She believes he’s leaving for good and is obviously less than pleased. First Uncle Jesse, now Will. Girl can’t catch a break.

Finn and Kurt bring Sue some comforting gifts, because they have also lost someone close to them.

At first it seems that Sue is going to rip them a new one for being in her presence, but instead she reaches out to them by asking them to explain how her sister, the kindest person she knew, is gone while Sue herself, quite the opposite, lives on, healthy as ever.  It gave me a Buffy flashback and my heartstrings were tugged upon yet again.

Finn brings this information back to the group and insists that they help her. Santana’s all about putting the “fun” in “funeral” [and if anyone could, it would be her], but doesn’t understand why they would help someone who has been so horrible to them.  Kurt and Finn explain that it’s more for her sister than for her, because she was also an outcast. Jesse basically says, “Death is sad, but losing is sadder” and insists they focus on nationals instead. This shoves Finn off the deep end.  He puts his foot down and says they ARE helping with this service. Santana and Pizes nod in approval.  Will smiles proudly and Jesse sighs disapprovingly.  I narrow my eyes at him yet again and say, “Oh, shut up and sing, Jesse.”

It’s time for American Idol: Glee Edition!  Will and Jesse will be our judges this evening. Will taking the role of Paula Abdul overly supportive and impartial, as though being asked to judge one’s own children.  Jesse will be both Randy and Simon, saying absurd things while also being impossibly rude.  Yes, I realize this is not the makeup of the current judging panel on American Idol. I’m a few years behind. Get over it.

Santana’s up first. She sings another Amy Winehouse song and I can barely contain my excitement.

When she’s almost done blowing my mind, I start to think to myself, “I swear to God, Jesse, you say one mean thing and you’ll WISH I had razorblades in my hair.”

Will loves it, of course, because HE has a soul.  Jesse just says “Thank you” and Santana unleashes a wee bit of fury.  She demands to know what he had been writing on his notepad the whole time, and while he claims it was that he didn’t feel her emotion in the song, it was actually a drawing of some weird cat/dinosaur hybrid.  Will stops her before she shaves all of his curly hair off his smartass head with her vicious, vicious words and calls Kurt up next.  He performs a song from Gypsy and of course Will is supportive when it’s over.  Jesse, however, doesn’t think Kurt quite lives up to Bernadette Peters and the other legends that have performed the song in the past. Kurt doesn’t bother saying anything to the little turd and just exits, stage right.

Furious, Kurt returns to the other contestants, tell them that their guest judge Jesse St. Sucks. And I couldn’t agree more. Rachel is still sticking up for him, insisting he’ll be impartial. Santana tell them all to quit their bitching, because she has this in the bag.  Mercedes thinks otherwise and belts out a soulful song to an approving audience.  Will is awestruck and gets all starry-eyed while telling Mercedes how much she’s grown since she strutted into his auditions two years prior.

Jesse smothers back the admiration he had previously been donning and tells her that she’s just not star material.  If he had been any closer, I’m sure she would have clocked him, possibly asking Brad to hold her earrings first, but instead she just takes her microphone and storms out, passing Rachel, who is apparently going to sing an impossible song.

She completes our Funny Girl collection – I’ve never seen the movie, but I’m fairly certain I could just piece a bunch of Glee scenes together and get the gist. I’m not complaining, I’m just saying.

Mind you, she absolutely killed it with that song.  Even Kurt couldn’t contain himself and gave her a standing O, much to Santana’s shagrin.

Unsurprisingly, Jesse approves.  She could have sung Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and I’m sure he would have “picked” her.  Santana starts to call foul play, but Mr. Schue reminds the kids that he has the final say and will make his decision later this week.

Kurt and Finn are helping Sue clean out her sister’s room, and Sue is suddenly less than appreciative.  She’s snapping at them left and right, and admits that the only reason she’s letting them help is so that someone would be at her funeral. She didn’t think Jean knew anyone well enough to get a decent turnout without them.

Sue is surprised to arrive at the funeral to a full house comprised of far more than just the Glee kids.  Turns out everyone loved her sister as much as I did, and had come to support Sue and say goodbye to Jean.  The kids had also decorated the front of the venue to look like something out of Willie Wonka, Jean’s all-time favorite movie.

Sue approaches the podium to say a few words.  The first of which are, “I miss my sister” which immediately start the waterworks that had been building up inside me the entire episode.  Sue’s voice breaks and Will jumps up to help her out and reads the rest of what Sue had written. Which doesn’t take away from the heartbreak of it all.


The Glee kids take what used to be a dream that haunted my most confusing nightmares and turn it into a sweet, sad, beautiful song, set to a slideshow/video montage of the Sylvester Sisters.

Out in the parking lot, Quinn joins Finn in his truck, compliments him on the funeral and then asks why he’s crying.

Um…Quinn…you guys just left a funeral. In fact, you literally just mentioned that you had to fix your mascara. *shakes head* You’re lucky you’re pretty.

Anyway, Finn’s apparently not crying because of the funeral, but because he’s breaking up with her. Quinn’s less than surprised and at first just tells him, “No”.  She simply won’t have that. He asks her if she even has a soul anymore or if the rumors are true and her baby took it with her when it exited through her ladybits.  He asks if she even knows how to feel.

She points at the one single tear that slips down her face and is like, IS THIS FEELING ENOUGH, BECAUSE THAT’S ALL I COULD MUSTER, CURRENTLY, SINCE WE’VE DONE THIS DANCE ABOUT A HUNDRED TIMES!

Apparently it was enough, because Finn suddenly feels a little bad and tries to say he still loves her. She’s not having any of it and storms off. He then gazes longingly at Rachel, who for some inexplicable reason is exiting the funeral smiling.

Back at McKinley, Brittany is filming Jesse dish about the Idol performers, while Will tries to get them to shut off the camera.  He starts to tell Brit how and she’s all “pssh I GAT this” as if she didn’t spend an entire school day in the corner once.  She tells Jesse he should come on Fondue for Two and practice his judging skills on Lord Tubbington and makes the most adorable bashful face when he agrees.

Will is STILL letting the Divo sway him and the little prick once again insists that Rachel is really the only way to win nationals. As you can see, my patience for this boy is as far gone as Christina Aguilera’s dignity.

Becky has come to Sue’s office to return her pom-poms, but Sue has had a change of heart.  In fact, she’s going to make Becky captain of the Cheerios next year. Becky is WICKED excited, but before she can run off to call Momma The Great, Sue makes her give her a hug.

Sue thanks Will for being there for him, despite her terrible-ness, and says that she’s no longer going to be actively trying to destroy the Glee club.  However, there was that one smaaaall detail – you know, that thing about them getting dropped into an active warzone. No worries, though, Evil Ex-Wife has actually saved the day – and also is moving to Florida.  She feels bad for being crazy and they hug it out.

Will and Emma say their goodbyes and Emma pretends like she’s happy for him, but I can hear her heart shattering on the inside.

Jesse appears from lurking in the shadows and not only apologizes to Rachel for being a horrible person, but also tells her that she won American Idol: Glee Edition.  She’s super excited, but then feels bad because everyone else worked hard too. Plus, now they’ll hate her even more. He says no friends is sad but losing is sadder.  He also says that she matters to him more than fame and kisses her, with Finn watching from the doorway he had just entered, undoubtedly looking for Rachel to profess his love.

Santana, Kurt and Mercedes are all pouting at a wall when Rachel and Jesse walk up, puffing out their feathers like peacocks, only to have them ruffled when they realize that in place of a winners list, there’s a note saying there’s an Emergency Meeting after school.

Kurt and Santana are sassing each other when Will walks in, and he uses this as an example of why he shouldn’t have been listening to more-like-Jesse-Devil-James and pitted the kids against each other.  He says there will BE no solos, and suddenly the kids are back to complimenting each other.  Santana even admits, somewhat reluctantly and with the sexiest of eyerolls, that even Rachel did well.  Rachel nervously putters out a compliment back at her, asking how she gets that sultry raspiness that sends people to their knees on a regular basis.

Will hands out rhyming dictionaries again and says that he wants new songs written by the time they get to New York.  Finn thanks Quinn for not quitting Glee club, who puts on quite the evil grin and tells him that she won’t quit til she goes through with the big plans she has for New York.

Dun, dun, dunnnnnn.

The next episode is the last episode and it is set in the city of all cities and actually has Brittana scenes, something this episode is sorely lacking. So stay tuned!

~ by Valerie Anne on 05/30/2011.

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