Not-So-Happy Hour

So I did write a post last night. I swear.

But I didn’t post it because I was underground when I wrote it. By the time I got home all I could think about was sleep, so I never got around to posting.

Reading it this morning with a clear head, I decided I would not post it. It’s too venty. This is not a diary. So, I will not post the rant I angrily typed while trying to find my way home, waiting for a train that never came.

I will, however, tell you a story from last night. Something else that annoyed me, but not to the point where this will seem too much like I’m ranting.


So we’re at this bar. It’s past midnight and we’d all been drinking since 7. Needless to say, lines were blurry.  Our group is spread out unevenly throughout this small space.  Two of my friends are standing in a corner while one cries for reasons she cannot articulate in her condition, a few stand by the windows while one dances around because he realized it was officially his birthday, and I stand with a few more by the bar.

I step away from the two friends I am standing with to close out my tab. I wedge myself between two people, one man has his back to me, and one is facing the bar. I’m standing sideways so I fit without touching either of them, and the man who was facing the bar now turns to face me.  I don’t remember exactly what he said to me, but it was something casual and it must have somewhat funny or at least an attempt at being funny because I laughed. He was friendly, and we exchanged witty banter while I waited for the waitress to finish getting my card. He was actively flirting and he was getting very close to me.  It got to the point where it was starting to get a little out of hand and I did something I don’t usually do in situations like this – I used the lesbian card.  Normally, I politely reject guys without having to tell them explicitly why I am not responding to their advances. However, I was trapped in this small space with this boy and I couldn’t walk away without my credit card. He was pretty sloppy and I was actually getting nervous he was going to try to kiss me, so I needed to nip that one in the bud.

Sadly, this conversation progressed in a similar fashion to ones I’ve had before. Though he did throw me some new ones. And keep in mind, the dopey smile on his face and the twinkle in his eye didn’t waver for half a second during this entire conversation.

“So…I’m not into guys?”
“That doesn’t mean I can’t be attracted to you.”
“Okay, but it means I’m not attracted to you.”
“Do you think that’s going to stop me?”
“I love a challenge.”

At which point I laughed as if to say “pathetic”, rolled my eyes, signed my receipt and walked away. I may have also said something along the lines of, “You know that’s not how that works, right?”

It’s too bad, because he seemed like a nice enough guy. I never would have pegged him for the ignorant type.

I mean, I guess I should be flattered. This man was willing to try to battle with genetics and biology to try to get me to like him.

I always thought that telling guys I was gay would be a nice way to turn them down. “It’s not you, it’s your entire gender!” However, I have learned that they don’t even consider it being turned down.  Can you imagine if a gay man came up to this guy and was hitting on him? And he said “Sorry, dude, I’m straight.” Then said gay man said, “That’s okay, I like a challenge.”

I have a feeling that wouldn’t go over too well.

I just don’t like it when my sexuality is trivialized.  One of my very close friends the other day texted me and said, “I think you’re smart for liking girls. Men really are pigs and so hard to deal with and keep happy.”

Smart? That makes sound like I chose this. I woke up one day and said, “You know what? Screw men. But not literally.” Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad I’m a lesbian. It’s something that makes me who I am, and I like who I am. But I still didn’t choose this.

I gave her the benefit of the doubt, though, (I really don’t think she realized, I know she meant well and was just trying to make a point) and just responded with, “Girls are crazy and confusing, too.” Because it’s not men – or even girls – that are hard or confusing or crazy. It’s relationships. It’s people.

Okay, so that ended up sounding a lot more ranty and preachy than I intended. I think it’s okay though, because I’m not usually like this. I don’t see injustice everywhere I go. I’m not easily offended. I’m fortunate enough to be surrounded by people who couldn’t care less that I’m a lesbian. But sometimes I do get frustrated, and I have to let it out.

This is probably the topic I have “ranted” about most. And will most continuously vent about. People not taking me seriously. People acting like it’s a phase or something I’m doing to get attention. It’s not all their fault, really. The media certainly doesn’t help.

But that’s a story for a different day.

To end on a lighter note, my friends and I were emailing back and forth this morning with highlights from last night, and one of my friends reminded me of when we were walking to get a cab and she jumped up and attacked a tree while yelling “Braaaaanch”.  The memory of this event came over me like a wave and I reached down and opened my bag. Sure enough, my memory had served me well. I had shoved handfuls of these extracted leaves into my purse. I believe it was partially so the cab driver wouldn’t murder us for leaving foliage in his vehicle, but also because I thought it would be a good memento of the night.

I never said Drunk Valerie was smart.


~ by Valerie Anne on 06/03/2011.

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