I’ve written open letters to inanimate objects, odes to food and people I don’t know and rants about television shows that have long since gone off the air.

Today, I wish to speak of spoons.

Don’t ask me why. I don’t know. I don’t have any kind of unnatural attachment to spoons. I find them convenient and useful. You can hang them from your nose. You can play songs with them if you put two together and tap them on your knees. They help when your wisdom teeth are coming in. There are some lovely songs about them. Okay, maybe just the one.

I mean, it can’t be a coincidence that one of the most preferred forms of cuddling is named after them.

I decided to make some lists about my experiences with spoons.  So, here you go.

Things I would eat with a spoon if it wasn’t sure to give me a heart attack on the spot:

I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter
Miracle Whip
Certain types of cream cheese
Ranch dressing
Turkey gravy
Shredded cheese

Things I do eat (or have eaten) with a spoon that aren’t intended for spooning:

Peanut Butter
Cool Whip
Mashed Potatoes
Cookie Dough

Things I have eaten with a spoon that made me wish spoons were never invented:

Tapioca pudding
Custard Yoplait
Cherry flavored cough medicine

Things that redeemed the spoon:

Cereal – all of it
Ben & Jerry’s ice cream
Chocolate pudding
Butternut Squash Soup

Well, there you have it. Some spoon lists. Some splists, if you will.

Yes, I realize this post was entirely made of fluff.

Oh my goodness, how could I forget fluff?! Fluff is something I have also enjoyed off a spoon, though I usually only get a spoonful or two before I get frustrated that it takes forever to get it all off the spoon. Unless I had hot chocolate to help.

And to round off my talk of spoons – as I doubt I will ever have this much to say about them in the near future – I would like to say that I never really appreciated the size of a generic kitchen spoon until I started the job I’m at now. We have a fully-stocked test kitchen. Except, when I say fully-stocked, I mean we have everything except normal sized spoons. We have teeny tiny itty bitty stirring spoons. We have slightly larger but still itty bitty sugar spoons. We have squat little round soup spoons. We have small, pointed, serrated grapefruit spoons. And we have gigantic serving spoons.

That’s it.

So, if you’re eating ice cream or soup, you have to choose. Do you want a spoon that’s doesn’t fit inside your mouth, or one that kind of make you feel like a giant?

For the record, I usually go with the smaller ones.  Makes things last longer.

And we have come to the conclusion of this utterly useless (yet sort of fun to write) post.

~ by Valerie Anne on 06/20/2011.

2 Responses to “Spooning”

  1. Things I disagree about:

    1. shredded cheese doesn’t require a spoon, just fingers.

    2. cookie dough doesn’t require a spoon, just fingers.

    3. peanut butter was actually intended to be eaten with a spoon.

    4. I didn’t know there was another way to eat cool whip…

    I’m an animal….

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