My Thoughts Exactly: Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

Hello, friends, and welcome to the second edition of My Thoughts Exactly. I decided this could be a thing I do. For now, it’s only the Harry Potter movies, but eventually I could move on to other movies and maybe even shows. Who knows. Or maybe after I finish the Harry Potter movies, I’ll be sick of doing this and never do it again. For now, enjoy my random thoughts and musings as they happened during my first viewing of Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets.

1. After a mild panic attack, I realized this was in fact the second movie and I hadn’t gotten the first one right back from Netflix. Thus, I would like to apologize for incorrectly calling the enchanted route to the Sorcerer’s Stone the Chamber of Secrets in my last commentary.

2. Dobby’s voice isn’t working for me.

3. OMG Harry has a drawing of Hedwig on his closet door. Like he colored it. Like he’s the most precious child ever.

4. Ummm, isn’t Dobby supposed to come and go with a loud CRACK? He just shimmered away all quiet-like. IF YOU’RE NOT GOING TO GIVE ME EVERY SINGLE PAGE OF THIS BOOK VISUALLY, AT LEAST GET THE WEE LITTLE DETAILS YOU DO INCLUDE CORRECT, PLEASE!

5. Okay, okay. I’m being too harsh. I have taken a deep breath. I’m going to try to let things like that go.

6. Ginny’s big wide eyes and running away at the sight of Harry was adorbs. I can’t wait til she grows up to be badass.

7. Mr. Weasley is a little meatier than I imagined.

8. Ummm so, did Harry never get in trouble for Dobby doing magic? Kiiiiind of important! *Letting it go, letting it go…*

9. Dear Harry, what exactly did you expect to happen when you tapped on the glass of a jar of skulls?

10. Hermione is still so little even though Harry has grown like a foot! But her hair is way more awesome.

11.  I still don’t like Hermione’s swooning over Lockhart. She’s smarter than that.

12. OMG Draco is huge!  And kind of beautiful?

13. Ginny standing up for Harry = the beginnings of the badassery.

14. Whoa. Wait. What?  Someone’s going to need to say Mr. Malfoy’s first name for me one more time. My world may or may not have just been shattered. TBD.

15. Hedwig’s eyes bulging at the sight of the train! I die!

16. After reading all the books, I’m actually surprised the flying car made it onto the Hogwarts grounds. What if Voldemort was feeling all resourceful and bewitched a double decker full of Death Eaters? Could he have just flown right in?

17. Ohhh my goodness, Colin Creevey is precious. So far, I don’t want to punch him in the face. Which is what I wanted to do immediately upon his appearance in the book.

18. I’m so glad my mother was never able to send me a Howler. Because she would have. Often.

19. The captain of the Slytherin Quidditch team’s teeth offend me.

20. Why do some spells have awesome Latin-sounding names like “Alohomora” but some work with just a simple “Eat slugs!”?

21. There was not nearly enough uproar, by the way, when Malfoy called Hermione a Mudblood. I almost threw things and I knew it was coming.

22. THE TEARS IN HER EYES, I CAN’T! I CAN’T!!!

23. Celebrity is as celebrity does? Lockhart, you make about as much sense as jeggings.

24. lolz Hermione how can you tell it’s blood and not red paint from all the way down there?

25. What do you think happened to Mr. Norris?

26. Harry, “I never touched Mrs. Norris” wouldn’t actually be a good defense, considering no touching is required in spell-casting.

27. Please explain to me the situation in which you are like, “OMG I NEED A GOBLET SOOOO BAD! GAHHH WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?!?!?! Oh, phew, there’s a tropical bird right here, I’ll just transform it real fast.”

28. If Hermione wasn’t friends with Ron and Harry, they literally would have either gotten themselves killed or accidentally killed each other a hundred times over.

29. Welp, there she goes again. AGAIN. She’s perfect.

30. Ewww the sound of Harry’s floppy armmmm.

31. Dumbledore, even if the film hadn’t exploded, you exposing it would have ruined the picture. C’mawwwwn.

32. I missed it again. It sounds like they’re saying “Loose-us”. No “sh” sound at all. That simply will not do.

33. Ummmm Parseltongue. Is. Terrifying.

34. Dear Harry, When suspected of crimes such as attempted murder, never go anywhere alone. Always have an alibi/eyewitness.

35. Harry, it’s not polite to tell ancient mystical objects they’re wrong.

36. I would like a phoenix. Please take note. My birthday is in January, you have time to figure it out.

37. I know I’m supposed to hate Draco, but he’s just so goshdarn cute.

38. I take it back, he just wished harm upon Hermione.

39. Hermione is such a pretty little kitty!

40. I would like an Agatha Christie book on tape read by Moaning Myrtle. Again, January is a while away.

41. Hogwarts probably should have reconsidered skipping subject like English and Maths because Harry can’t even write without speaking aloud.

42. Oh, why hello Tom Riddle. You put the “devil” in “devilishly handsome”.

43. Wait, didn’t Ginny tear apart Harry’s room to get the diary? How the heck did she make all that damage?! She’s just a wee little thing! Who apparently wields a mattress-ripping pocket knife. Oh, wait…wands…right, right. I’m back on board.

44. Mr. Malfoy? Less adorable.

45. RON’S SQUEAKY I-HATE-SPIDERS VOICE! Wonderful. “Why couldn’t it be follow the butterflies?!”

46. Yup, no, while Harry was chatting with the giant spider, I would have been like “You’re the boy who lived. Figure it out.” and high-tailed it out of there.

47. No kidding, you need Hermione. Crabbe could have told you that one.

48. Surely even the dopiest of grown men could have overpowered two twelve year old boys, no?

49. Tom Riddle is a little too solid. He’s supposed to be a little shimmery, I think.

50. Holy Basilisk fangs, batman. For some reason, I imagined there’d be two. Like a snake. Not a gazillion. Jeepers.

51. Um, Basilisk. I hate to break it to you, but if you had stuck your tongue out like a normal snake, you would have had yourself a tasty little Potter-snack.

52. Whoa, whoa, whoa. That bird just saved your damn life. I would have hugged that thing. Or turned it into a goblet and kept it on my shelf forever.

53. DOBBY IS FREEEEE!

54. WHAT was that noise Mr. Malfoy just made?! Ack.

55. Oh, the dramatic music! The running! THE HUGGING! They make me so happy.

56. RON AND HERMIONE SHOOK HANDS. I can’t. So. precious.

57. I may or may not have started clapping with Dumbledore for Hagrid.

58. So they skip like a million things but manage to make one paragraph like 10 minutes long and end the book at the feast without any mention of Lockhart or Gryffindor winning the House Cup? Rude.

59. I know I do a lot of complaining in these commentaries, but I really am thoroughly enjoying every minute of these lovely little movies.

60. I couldn’t end on 59, so this is one last comment to comment on the fact that my comments are about as long as the damn books. Oops.

OMG I WAS JUST MILLING ABOUT AND LETTING THE DVD RUN AND IT ENDED UP SHOWING DIAGON ALLEY WITH A BOOK BY GILDROY LOCKHART IN A STRAIGHTJACKET ENTITLED ‘WHO AM I’ BAHAHAH

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~ by Valerie Anne on 06/30/2011.

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