He Said, She Said, Then I Said WTF, YOU CALL THIS A SONG?!

So, I’ve wanted to do a line-by-line song analysis for a long time. However, I love songs so much.  There are plenty of ridiculous songs out there, and I was having a hard time narrowing it down to just one I wanted to dissect. Since I am a collector of music, I have an absurd variety of songs on my iPod. The best way I can think to describe it is that it looks like more than one person shares this one musical device. Alas, it is just me and my eclectic taste.

When I say I’m a collector of music, I mean I don’t only put songs I know and love on my iPod. If I find a song I love, I get all songs by that artist. Sometimes this doesn’t work out, and I end up removing some. But often I end up with a delightful new album and I get to experience new music in my travels.

That being said, I have some music that some may consider…embarrassing.

I love things that are meant to be for children. I love Disney movies. Therefore, I love cheesy, feel-good music. This is how I ended up with more Ashley Tisdale songs on my iPod than one person over the age of 16 should ever have.

In my defense, the song “How Do You Love Someone” is utterly amazing and the first time I heard it I think I listened to it a hundred times in a row.

However, she also has gems such as, “He Said She Said”, which is what we shall be perusing today. The title alone is enough to make me cringe.  For one, there is no comma where there should be a comma. I researched a bit online and while the 1991 movie starring Kevin Bacon showed evidence of being grammatically correct, Miss Tisdale’s song did not. THE HORROR.

There’s a lot more going on in this song, though, so let’s skip over the blatant disregard for the English language and get started, shall we?

Boy walk in the spot, he’s so fresh and
He got what he needs to impressin’

Wait, that can’t be right. I looked it up on a few lyric websites and they all seem to agree that she said, “He got what he needs to impressin’.” Which makes the exact opposite of sense. So I’m going to give Sharpay the benefit of the doubt here and assume she said, “He got what he needs to impress and” because there are enough other grammatical errors in those two sentences to fail an entire second grade class.  On to the next…

Just look at the way that he dressin’
Ain’t no question, chicks like ‘oh’.

Well, you heard her, folks. Ain’t no question. [For the record, I really wanted to give her the ‘s at the end of “he”. Alas. Close listening reveals no such sound.]

Girl walkin’ the spot, she stop traffic
She’s blowing your mind with her asset

Wait, are we walking this spot or are we walking IN this spot. Or was the boy entering and the girl is just strutting around? I think I’m confused. I’m just going to ignore the play on words with “asset”. I expected more class from a Disney star.

So Jessica Alba fantastic,
Instant classic boys like ‘oh’.

Jessica Alba fantastic?! So, like, medium amounts of occasional almost-fantasticness? I’m not even going to touch the oxy-moron that is “instant classic”.

Baby, I can see us moving like that.
Baby, I can see us touching like that.
Baby, I can see us kissing like that.

Oh my goodness, normal lyrics!

We don’t need no more that he said she said.

Welp, there goes that. We don’t need no more that?! WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?! I think, broken down, it means that they actually might require a larger quantity of “he said she said”. But if the title is any indication, they are all set with commas. But thanks anyway.

This bait and switch happens once more. I feel no need to reiterate.

He said, “Girl, you winnin’.”

He said what?! I hope she then said, “Boy, you stupid.”

She said, “Boy, where you been at?
Stop talking, let’s get with it.”

Oh, nevermind, looks like they’re meant for each other.

Just like that they.
He said, “You’re amazing.”

WAIT, HOLD UP! Just like that they WHAT?! I guess we don’t care about what they’re doing if they’re not talking?? At least his compliments have improved. Go on, then.

She said, “Then, why you waiting?
No more deliberating.
What you doin’? Let’s get to it.”
Just like that they.

Okay, if you know the proper use of the word “deliberating” you sure as hell should be able to throw in the correct conjugation of “to be” every once in a while. Why are you waiting? What are you doing?  Would be nice. But, no, seriously, what are they doing?

Boy actin’ as if there’s no pressure.
He’d do anything to get with her.
He say anything to convince her.
Money spent to diamonds send her.

Oh, nice. He’s a classy guy, isn’t he? Lying to get her in bed. A real gentleman. Though, I won’t lie, I was too distracted by the choice of sentence structure to even really care too much about the bribery/prostitution. “Money sent to diamonds send her”??? ASHLEY, SERIOUSLY?!  Is it hip to talk like Yoda now? I’m pretty sure that’s not even Yoda speak. That’s just dumb.

Girl playin’ it cool but she’s with it
She lovin’ the fact that she’s gifted
Everything that he do, she gets lifted
Feels so wicked, lovin’ like oh.

I have no idea what is going on. So, she’s pretending she doesn’t know he’s a sleeze, but she’s going with it? I’m assuming here “gifted” doesn’t mean “above average intelligence” based on the aforementioned dialogue, so I’m thinking this means “having gifts of the diamond-encrusted variety”.  I do appreciate them using the lifted metaphor for her, though. Could have been awkward the other way around…

Then the chorus happens again, as they tend to do in songs. All the way from the almost normal lyrics to the unfinished sentence.

Then the bridge! This should be good.

One night with you, boy, just one night with you,
All the things we could do.
Every day I think of
One night with you
no one else but us two.
All our dreams would come true,
If we’d just get together.

So, I am under the impression that the singer of this song, presumably Ashley Tisdale’s slightly illiterate, white trash, pseudo-gangster alter ego, was at a club with some guy she liked and was totally eavesdropping on this couple’s conversation, then turned to the boy she was with and explained that she wanted to replicate the actions they were doing, but without all the talking. Now, I am getting the feeling she just wants a one night stand, reinforcing my point about the no words being exchanged. My favorite part of this bridge was, “No one else but us two.” To me, it sounds like something the Spice Girls would say, for some reason.

Also, EVERY DAY you think of having one night with this guy? I mean, you could at least aim for a long weekend or something. C’mon, girl.

Okay, stick with me, I think we’re almost done.

Ah yes, the chorus again. Some extra grunts and riffs over this one.  Still the same awful conversation.

You’re gonna like it.
You’re gonna want it.
You’re gonna like it.
We don’t need no more that he said she said.
You’re gonna like it.
You’re gonna want it.
You’re gonna like it.
We don’t need no more that he said she said.

Things just turned a little too dominatrix for my taste. And ending with the perfect storm of bad grammar. Gotta love it.

I would also like to mention that the way she sings, “he said, she said” [I NEEDED TO PUT THE COMMA I’M SORRY] is so weird. It’s almost like she’s gasping? I don’t know. It’s so strange.

Needless to say, this is not the reason the Ashley Tisdale media library ended up on my iTunes. However, it’s there, for whenever I’m in the mood to hear a somewhat confusing song about one night stands and bribery and lying and just awful, awful conversation.

What? You never get in those moods? Just me?

Hm.

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~ by Valerie Anne on 07/20/2011.

2 Responses to “He Said, She Said, Then I Said WTF, YOU CALL THIS A SONG?!”

  1. At first, I was horrified that a squeaky clean little Disney Channel star would have a song like this. And then I looked her up and found that she is like 3 years OLDER than me. So I guess it’s okay. Sort of. Except that small children are probably listening to this and singing it and dancing around in their little bedrooms to it. And learning REALLY bad grammar.

    This was extremely enjoyable. I would make this a staple of Turning Phrases.

    • Yeahhh she’s old. Though, this song came out four years ago, so it was her attempt to break OUT of the squeaky clean Disney image, I think. But yes, I’m sure there are little children who know this song and who don’t know what grammar is. Sad day.

      I’m glad you liked it! I had fun writing it, so I think you’re right. I think it will be a staple. 🙂

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