He Said, She Said, I Said: Forget You

I decided to call this segment, “He Said, She Said, I Said” in honor of the song that inspired it. Even though Ashley seemed to think we don’t need no more that he said she said. Sorry, Tizzy.

Let us analyze a fun, upbeat song, shall we? The first time I heard this song I thought I had somehow ended up on an oldies radio station. Then I listened to the words…

I see you driving ’round town
With the girl I love and I’m like,
Forget you!

Yeah! You scumbag. Stealin’ his woman like that. So rude. Forget you, asshat.

I guess the change in my pocket
Wasn’t enough. I’m like,
Forget you!
And forget her too!

You can have the money-grubbin hobag! Cee-lo don’t care. Get outta here.

I said, if I was richer,
I’d still be with ya
Ha, now ain’t that some shh? 

Wait, who are we talking to? I thought we were yelling at your woman’s man on the side. Have we redirected our attentions? I’m fine with that, you just gotta give me some warning.

And although there’s pain in my chest
I still wish you the best with a…
Forget you!

Um, considering “forget” isn’t actually the word you used, I think you might have a different notion of what wishing someone the best might be, sir.

Yeah, I’m sorry, I can’t afford a ferrari.
But that don’t mean I can’t get you there.
I guess he’s an Xbox and I’m more Atari,
But the way you play your game ain’t fair.

It’s okay, Cee. Atari was way cooler anyway.  Plus, I’m pretty sure you could now afford a ferrari.

I pity the fool that falls in love with you.

Okay, I’m not sure we had to go all Mr. T there but yeah that poor sap from the beginning of the song is in for a ride.

(Oh, she’s a gold digger.  Just thought you should know it.)

(Oh, okay. Now you guys back there are singing to the manslut, and the rest of us are singing to skankface. Got it.)

I’ve got some news for you.
Yeah go run and tell your little boyfriend.

Chorus (Which still seems to address the “other man” in the first line…Or possibly the ferrari.)

Now I know, that I had to borrow,
Beg and steal and lie and cheat.
Trying to keep ya, trying to please ya.
‘Cause being in love with yo ass ain’t cheap.

Wait. Really? I’m starting to feel a little less bad for you. It looks to me like you should have seen this coming.

Mr. T hook.

I’ve got some news for you
Yeah go run and tell your little boyfriend

I bet he IS little too. Stupid ferrari driving nogoodnik.

Bi-directional chorus

Now baby, baby, baby, why d’you wanna wanna hurt me so bad?

I tried to tell my mamma but she told me “this is one for your dad”.

That is some good parenting skills right there. Also, why weren’t you seeking parental advice before it got to the stealing, lying and cheating?

Uh! Whhhy? Uh! Whhhy? Uh!
Whhhy lady? Oh! I love you oh!
I still love you. Oooh!

She used up all your money, then turned you in for the upgrade. I guess I understand the wailing and the grunting, but I really don’t think you should be wanting her back.

Also, next time you write a song, sir, please make sure you know who you are addressing. I bet this message didn’t fully get across to either your ex-girlfriend OR her new rich boytoy, because both of them assumed it was directed at the other person.

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~ by Valerie Anne on 08/04/2011.

2 Responses to “He Said, She Said, I Said: Forget You”

  1. For me, this is actually a Greek Tragedy in three acts. Picture this:

    Act One: Cee is at the 7-11 (or DQ or Sonic or the mall – location is unimportant) and he spots his ex and her new ‘boo’* at some distance. Verses one and two are therefore the plaintive refrain he is soliloquising as he approaches them.

    By verse three (‘I said, If I was richer’), he is clearly now saying this loudly enough for both of them to hear him, but he’s not actually talking *to* them. The clue here is ‘I said’, which he’s using as emphasis, as if someone had asked him what he’d just said. In fact, he is alone. No-one has asked him anything. *That* is his tragedy.

    Act Two: He approaches them – hand out in appeasement – pretending that he’s about to wish them both well and then – oh, snap, Cee-Lo (and nice Elton John outfit, btw) – he pulls the hand of friendship back and gives them the finger of eff off instead.

    Genius move. Genius.

    After that, he’s obviously bolder because his friends have joined him (“Dude, she’s a gold digger”), but he’s still bitter. His chest is all puffed out and he’s shouting at her like he just don’t care**.

    Act Three: But he does care. It’s all front and bravado and he can contain it no longer. He descends into tears of pain and anguish, with his admission that he remains very much in love.

    His friends pull him away, but he cannot stop himself from screaming ‘why?’ over his shoulder at her, even as the security guards approach him to ask him firmly but politely to leave their establishment.

    Tragic. Moving, Homeric.

    * yes, I am down with the young people’s ‘lingo’, thank you very much
    ** grammatical faux pas intentional

    • That was the most tragically beautiful story I have ever heard.

      Thank you for laying it down for me*, I feel like I really understand Cee-Lo now.

      *I am also hip to the ‘lingo’.

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