Another Letter to the Universe

Hey, Universe.

Me again.

Listen, you know I love you.  You watch out for me, and I appreciate that.

But I have a bone to pick with you.

Is it necessary to pick one day to mess with me?  Couldn’t you spread it out over a few days? Or is it a package deal. A domino effect. You just toss one little inconvenience my way and watch Chaos take it from there?

Okay. Maybe that’s what it was. Maybe you just threw me one little thing, not realizing it would snowball the way it did.  Just one question – did you have to pick a Monday? A Monday when I hadn’t slept well the night before, no less. It’s just….rude.

I thought we were friends.

Okay, I guess the not-sleeping thing wasn’t really your fault. I’m not sure whose fault it was, but I don’t think you had anything to do with the fact that it took me over an hour to fall asleep and that I woke up at 4am and couldn’t fall back to sleep for thirty minutes.

It’s probably also not you’re fault that I hit snooze too many times.  Unless you gave me the weird, creepy dream about British ghosts that gave me the aforementioned sleeplessness.  So then that would also mean it wasn’t your fault that I had to rush to get ready, which always leaves me frazzled.

If you didn’t make me frazzled, then it’s probably not your fault that I almost forgot to pack my lunch and only remembered when I was in the hallway and had to come all the way back in.  Which would mean that missing the train by three seconds because I also had to stop to by a Metrocard wasn’t really your doing either.

So, I guess I can’t really blame the fact that I ran into work just in time on you.

Can I blame you for the fact that I was in one meeting room from 9:30-5:30?  Or that my roommate told me we had an appointment with a broker in Queens at 6:30 even though I can barely make the walk from my office to the subway by 6:30, let alone to another borough? Or that I missed THAT train by 3 seconds? Or that it was hotter than the Devil’s armpit on the platform?

Did you send the broker to take us to an apartment that was pretty awesome but that we had to decide immediately if we wanted it even though it’s only August 8th which means we have a few weeks to find an apartment but it’s already August 8th so WE ONLY HAVE A FEW WEEKS TO FIND AN APARTMENT?!

Is it your fault the chicken nuggets I ate for dinner tasted like assmonkeys? Did you give me this mysterious ailment that is either an invisible nazi bug army infestation, eczema or a flesh eating disease?  Did you kick Hannah off The Glee Project??!!

There are just some things I have to find you at fault for. I’m not sure if all of these little things DO happen every day and I just deal with them better, or if you see one or two things go wrong and think, “Oh! It must be Bad Things Day!” and just send everything my way at once, but either way, I think we need to work something out.

If it is your idea to have all of these things happen in one day, I’m just going to tell you right now – cut it out.  Spread them out. Make every other Tuesday suck just a little to make sure that no one day ever sucks THIS MUCH.

If this really was just as series of unfortunate events, do you think you could step in next time? Somewhere between the annoying text messages and the charlie horse in my NECK, something should have been done to stop the madness.

I send good karma out there to you all the time, Universe. I really don’t think it’s too much to ask for you to have my back every once in a while.

I really hope we can work this out.

Love always,



~ by Valerie Anne on 08/08/2011.

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