I Made It Through The Wilderness

Last year around this time, I went to Maine for the weekend. Where we go in Maine, there is barely any cell phone service. This was before I had an android, so accessing the internet was a slow enough process on a good day – up there, it was next to impossible. So when we arrived on Friday night, I shut my phone off. I left it off for most of the weekend, turning it on only a few times to check to see if I had any messages.

The times that it was off, or not even on my person, were weird at first. My hand would instinctively go to my hip every once in a while, like a nervous tick. Sometimes because I was so used to having to make sure my phone was in my pocket. Sometimes after a phantom vibrate. Sometimes after someone asked the time, out of habit.

However, after those first few moments of near panic…it was kind of nice to not have it with me at all. No sense of guilt or responsibility. Just…freedom.

It’s like that feeling after you send in your final paper to your professor.  You’re still kind of tense for a little while, but then you realize that it’s out of your hands. There’s nothing else you can do. And it’s like all of your muscles relax.

It’s weird, some sayings are over-said and they barely mean anything anymore. Some I just can’t relate to.

But the phrase “it’s like a weight was lifted off my shoulders” hits me hard. I’ve felt it. It literally feels like that. At least, for me. Stress physically weighs me down. It constricts my lungs and makes it hard to breathe. It wraps itself around me and slowly tightens its grasp until I fear it might be the end of me. It’s not until I relax my muscles and let it slide to the floor that I feel any sense of relief.

This weekend I am in upstate New York. I won’t have service. Which will be harder than it was last year, since last year I wasn’t as involved in Twitter and I couldn’t access Facebook or my email as easily as I can now.  But I’ll be free. It’s entirely possible that, as you read this, I am on a boat.  It’s also possible that I will be wakeboarding. Which I have never done. So therefore, it is also possible that I will return from this trip with a broken extremity.

But hey, I’m always up for adventure.

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~ by Valerie Anne on 08/13/2011.

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