I really want to catch up on my Gleecaps for this season before season three starts, and I only have a few more to close the gap, so there might be an influx in these over the next few weeks. Hopefully it gets you excited!! Though, this one won’t because I actually don’t love this episode as much.
We start in the boys locker room. Awesome.
Finn and Sam are naked. Awesomer.
They’re talking about cold showers.
Okay, too much sarcasm is pouring out of me from this first scene. Nothing about the next few minutes is awesome. They’re talking about how their girlfriends won’t “put out” and how they have to think of something awful to keep from exploding all over them.
I’m moving on now, hope you’ll come with me.
Tina and Kurt are walking down the hallway when Karofsky SHOVES Kurt into a locker. I mean, SHOVES. Hard.
Then walks away as if nothing happened. Kurt says he’s okay, but looks visibly shaken. Understandably.
At Glee rehearsal, Schue is announcing their competition – one team will be the Warblers, the all boys school. Santana quips about having a lot of gay jokes, and Kurt is not having it this time. He gives her a taste of her own medicine and throws a dirty look at her. The other team they’ll be up against is an old folks home. Puck says he’ll just break some hips and everyone thinks this is a great plan and Will doesn’t step in and say anything about the fact that the kid who JUST got out of juvie is threatening to CAUSE HARM.
Will is going to have another boys vs. girls inter-glee competition and insists, again, that Kurt stay on the boys team – and he didn’t say it, but no vitamin D overdosing allowed this time. Unfortunately.
While Puck is telling Artie that he’s his new community service project, Karofsky comes by and throws Kurt into the lockers…again.
Fed up, Kurt yells at Karofsky, and they have a little back-and-forth that results in Kurt getting shoved once again. Will sees it and steps in, asking if there’s anything he can do. I yell, TELL THE PRINCIPAL AND HAVE HIM PUNISHED, but Kurt says no.
In an attempt to help Kurt out, the girls vs. boys assignment is now a genderbending assignment – the boys must sing a song traditionally sung by a girl and vice versa. Kurt gets excited, but is not being taken seriously by the other guys.
Meanwhile, Quinn is being a tease and grinding on Trouty Mouth with her Cheerio’s uniform on, talking dirty. Sam tries to cool off by picturing Beiste, and ends up accidentally saying her name out loud.
Actually, you know what? I’m going to skip this whole storyline. It’s stupid and it makes me uncomfortable. A bunch of the Glee kids [Tina included] decide to use weird images of Beiste to keep from working themselves up during non-sex, sexual activities and she ends up hearing about it. That part will be relevant later, but all the other scenes about it are just…weird.
Out on the Insane Amount of Stairs, Puck and Artie are finishing up a song and counting their collection. Santana and Brittany walk down the Stairs, feeding each other gummy bears
because they’re in love, and Artie stares longingly at Brittany. Puck decides they’re using the money to go on a double date and take the girls to dinner – the boy might not be the brightest, but he knows his way to a girl’s heart: unlimited breadsticks.
A few towns over at Dalton Academy, Kurt is doing some undercover work to scout their competition. He is shuffling along in a group of boys who all seem to be headed to the same place, and picks the cutest one out of the bunch to ask what the fuss is all about. This dark haired stranger grabs him by the hand and tells him he knows a shortcut to the super-cool glee club’s performance. They run down the hall together, holding hands at an impossibly awkward angle, and enter a room filled with boys in blazers.
As we now know, this tall, dark, handsome boy is Blaine, the superstar Warbler. They start an acapella version of Teenage Dream and Kurt’s jaw hits the ground. Some kids are seizing in the background, but if you don’t look at anyone besides Blaine being cheesy and Kurt being swoony, it’s magical.
I will interrupt my ignoring of the Beiste/turn off storyline to say that Will actually had a normal reaction to this and explained that it was NAT okay that they were doing that.
Back to Dalton. Kurt is in his gay glory and asks if all the boys at the school are gay. They explain that, while Blaine is, they’re not ALL gay, they just have a zero tolerance policy. I scoff audibly because there is no such thing, but I appreciate their naivety. Blaine tells Kurt that he left his old school for the very reasons Kurt’s having trouble at his. Though, he encourages him to stay strong, power through it.
Back in the choir room, the girls are planning for their mashup. Suddenly, Santana stops – something’s not right. Rachel was being silent. The world may or may not be ending.
Rachel explains that she is trying to take the assignment to heart and do the opposite of what they would normally do. Puck and Artie roll in [pun intended] and Rachel freaks out a little, thinking they’re spies.
No, they weren’t spying, there were there to be mean to Brittana, and for some reason I will never understand, instead of tipping over Artie’s wheelchair and shoving Puck over it, they agree to go on a double date. Obviously it was just an act, because they want to keep up the ‘slutty cheerleaders’ act since they’re secretly sneaking into supply closets to give each other sweet lady kisses and lately they’ve been a little less subtle.
At Breadstix the next night, Brittany asks Artie why he hasn’t been responding to her playing footsie all night and he claims it was because he was too into the old lady waitress (when really it’s because she was playing it with Santana and just said that because she knew he wouldn’t know the difference. What? This episode is boring, I needz me some Brittana). Puck decides it’s time to dine and dash and all three of his friends look at him with confusion. The girls reluctantly get up and follow him, but Artie quickly slips the waitress some dough. Puck is offended by this act of kindness and tells Artie he’s SOL, because the girls are coming over for a threesome. Hellz to the yes. Suck on THAT, Stubbles McCripplepants.
The next day at school, LEATHER AND ROCK AND ROLL:
I don’t think any amount of imagining people getting hit by cars would cool me off during this number.
There were even dramatic fans and microphone stand dancing.
Too. darn. hot.
Later, Karofsky is getting out of hand and not only slaps Kurt’s phone out of his hand, but he shoves him so hard that a random girl behind Kurt was frozen to her spot. Kurt had just been reading a text that just read “courage” from Blaine, so he runs after the Caveman and into the locker room, demanding an explanation. Kurt spits out his words like fire and tells him that he’s not his type, so he can stop worrying that he’s going to ninja his way into the showers to ogle his manparts. They get all up in each other’s grill and Kurt tells him that he can’t punch the gay out. Finally, Karofsky snaps.
He grabs Kurt by the face…and kisses him. He pulls away, looks into Kurt’s flabbergasted eyes, and then leans in again. Kurt leaps back, putting distance between them. Karofsky realizes his carefully constructed facade had been let down for a second, leaving him exposed, and runs from the room.
Meanwhile, Puck’s poor excuse for community service has been discovered, and he’s been told that he has 24 hours to come up with a better idea or it’s back to juvie. Turns out it wasn’t as awesome as he’s made it out to be, because this sends him into a panic and he also lets his guard falter and says that none of them care about him before sprinting from the room.
Blaine meets Kurt at school and tries to After School Special the hell out of Karofsky. The Homophobe of the Year puts his hands on that crisp blue jacket and Kurt loses it, shoving him away. He sits down, defeated, and Blaine asks him what’s wrong as if he hadn’t just seen the biggest brute in school at his worst. Kurt says that part of the glassy eyed-look he’s sporting is because before that, he hadn’t been kissed when it counted. I’m curious as to why that kiss counted and Brittany’s didn’t, since neither meant anything to him, but whatever. Blaine buys him lunch and assures him that it’ll be okay.
I suppose now I have to revisit the stupid Beiste storyline again, because Will is also telling HER it will be okay. She explains to him that even though at first everyone thought she might actually just be Ken Tanaka in drag, she’s actually a girly girl at heart. She admits that she’s never been kissed and Will tells her she has a big heart, so she’ll get her man one day. It can’t be easy finding someone to love in Lima, Ohio. Somewhere, in Will’s crazy nonsensical world of logic, he decides that the best way to comfort her right now in her time of need is to KISS HER.
Wrong. Bad. Fail.
Luckily, she’s not offended by the fact that her first kiss was a pity-smooch, and thanks him for being supportive.
Puck and Artie have a pretty cute bro-sesh and they decide to help each other out. Kurt already has a picture of Blaine in his locker and I quietly wonder if he’s a lesbian. Karofsky is seriously going to INJURE Kurt if he keeps increasing his level of violence.
After school, the boys dedicate their mashup to Beiste, because it’s like her – badass AND sweet. She seems nonplussed the entire time, despite the Glee girls rocking out.
However, when it’s over, she does give them a little smirk and say she liked it. They give her a big group hug and THANK GOD THIS EPISODE IS OVER.
I have no idea why that episode was so hard for me. I really love the Kurt/Karofsky/Blaine storyline and I think they’re handling Kurt’s being out and proud in a one-horse town really well. For some reason, the Beiste thing bothered me.
It’s okay though, because next week, we meet the Goddess for the first time! See you soon, Holly Holliday!!!!