Gleewind 2.07 – The Substitute
So, we [barely] survived the awkwardness of last week’s episode, and in case we had washed our brains out with bleach, they brought us up to speed on what details will be important: Crazy ex-wife is crazy, Blaine is adorable, and Karofsky is a closeted bully.
Sue is trolling the halls like she owns the place and come to find out, she sort of does. Due to some biological warfare via the one Lauren Zizes, Principal Figgins has come down with some sort of monkey virus. Sue tells Will that she plans on using this power against him, and as he turns to walk away, he also gets sneezed on.
Cover your mouth when you sneeze, Zizes! Jeebus!
Poor Schue is trying to teach his lesson, but is starting to feel feverish. He turns back to his Glee kids to find that they are actually kids. As in, small children.
The babies say adorable things that their full-sized selves would say, and Will realizes that he should probably see the nurse.
He heads home and is lying in a sea of tissues, when the mayor of Crazytown comes in and starts cleaning up and fluffing his pillows. She starts talking baby talk and things start getting real weird, real fast, so Will tells her to GTFO. She does, but not before throwing a copy of Singing in the Rain at him.
Back at school, Rachel is letting Mr. Schuester’s absence go to her head. Santana ain’t havin’ any of it.
In the lunchroom, Kurt is blowing Mercedes off for Blaine, telling her that it’s nice to have someone to talk to. Hurt, Mercedes turns to the new arrival of tater tots for comfort. She asks what they should do about the Glee club fiasco, because it’s obvious someone is going to get murdered if they don’t have supervision.
He has an idea.
In what would be Mr. Schuester’s Spanish class, some of the boys of Glee are messing around, throwing paper at each other. All of the other students seem to be able to behave themselves while the substitute writes something on the chalkboard, but you know how the creative types are…
This tall, blonde sub is having the class repeat phrases on the mental stability of Lindsay Lohan when Kurt comes in and asks to have a word. He asks her to take over Glee and she asks him why he chose her. He brings us back to when she covered his English class last week and she sang Conjunction Junction.
And that is the moment I knew that Holly Holliday was the best thing to happen to McKinley since the Britney Spears Sex Riot.
Upon hearing that there would be a substitute, Puck decides to butter the floor for her arrival. Rachel struts in and lands flat on her ass. Luckily, she didn’t break her talent, so she’s struts to her seat just as confidently as she came in. Holly Holliday struts in just as confidently, but she uses the buttered floor to slide in as if it’s how she entered all classrooms. Having missed this, Kurt struts in right after [why does everyone at McKinley strut?!] and his feet also slide right out from underneath him.
She asks them to introduce themselves, but stops them by the time Brittany says she’s Mike Chang, telling them that she knows that they’re lying because she saw them get their asses handed to them at regionals last year. She’s not your average, boring substitute – she says they should have class outside, but since it’s raining maybe they should go to taco bell. She jokes about medical marijuana and now she has everyone wrapped around her finger.
Well, almost everyone. Rachel points out that they can’t goof off with sectionals right around the corner. Holly looks her square in her panicky eyes and asks her what song she wants to sing. After a beat of silence that would make a mime uncomfortable, Holly realizes that they don’t get asked their opinions on things like this too often. Puck points out that his recent suggestion to sing Cee Lo’s Forget You went unnoticed last week, and Miss Holliday jumps on it. Everyone [except Rachel…again] is immediately into it.
She dances around in her adorably smart skirt and The Unholy Trinity jump in to provide backup.
Mercedes and Artie provide the vocals for the break.
Rachel is literally the only one who is not joining in, but instead is huffing and dramatically tossing her hair in exasperation. Holly ends the number by asking who wants to go get some tacos, and I really don’t know how anyone can NOT love this woman.
Back at the Schuester residence, Will awakes with a start from a dream in which he performs Make ‘Em Laugh with Mike Chang, which is full of falling down and other physical comedy moves. What had jostled him from this dream was Rachel ringing his doorbell, here to protest Holly Holliday’s presence in their beloved choir room. Will wasn’t too worried about it, but Rachel’s flailing and persistence could make a dolphin worry about an approaching wave.
Having been unable to disband the football team or succeed in her war against sitting, Sue had decided that her next move as principal would be to ban tater tots. Mercedes, having just been blown off by Kurt for Blaine again, is not going to stand for having her tots taken away. She marches into Sue’s office and is all HELL to the no, but Sue does not budge, seeing as neither Mercedes nor Brittany could identify a head of broccoli when presented to them.
I see Sue’s point, and I’m all about health food, but tater tots are filled with joy. They’re good for the soul.
Rachel and Miss Holliday meet in the hallway and Rachel goes on one of her little rants, to which Holly just says, “Rachel, you SUCK.” She basically tells Rachel she’s a stick in the mud and that she should try having fun for once in her life and lures Rachel into her vortex of awesome by telling her she can sing any song she wants in Glee club.
Back in Will’s bedroom, Terry is literally feeding Will soup by hand and am confused because his ARMS aren’t broken. She then starts to rub vapor rub on his back, which instantly turns into hanky panky.
In the cafeteria, Kurt informs Mercedes that he has set her up on a date with one of the only five black boys at school and between that and the predigested food the caf is now serving, she is at her breaking point. She stands on the table with a sign that says simply, TOTS, and everyone starts chanting in support of her movement to bring back the bite-sized nuggets of happiness.
Rachel seems to have finally come around to Miss Holliday as they perform a number from Chicago for the rest of the club. They’re both a little awkward as far as dancing goes, but that makes it all the more adorable and is finally a sign of Rachel letting loose.
Speaking of letting loose, Will tries to return to McKinley only to be met by now-permanent principal, Sue, who informs him that he has been let go. He goes into the choir room to meet his replacement, where he finds Holly painting one wall bright yellow. They compare their teaching styles and Miss Holliday explains that she feels bad about it, but she’s not going anywhere.
Mercedes is third wheelin’ with Kurt and Blaine at Breadstix, where they’re covering every gay topic from Prop 8 to Patti Lupone. While it is possible for gay people to communicate with straight people, even in large numbers, poor Kurt has gone so long without anyone who understood him that everything that comes out of his mouth is the gayest of the gay. Mercedes can feel herself being pushed further and further away from her best friend and asks the waitress for some tater tots. When she’s informed that they not only have them, but that other McKinley kids have been asking for them, Mercedes seems to brighten up quite a bit.
The next day at school, she is called into the principal’s office because she had shoved some of those tots into the tailpipe of Sue’s LeCar. Unlike Will, who would have immediately gone to bat for her, Holly just sits there and stares blankly as if maybe she was the one in trouble. After she’s excused, she goes right to Will’s house to tell him that he was right, that her teaching style might not be that great for a full-time teacher, since she’s not good at the hard stuff. She flashes back to the student who punched her in the face and slapped the serious out of her and she has since lived her live moment-by-moment. She tells him that she’s resigning and in walks the Devil Herself. This interaction is impeccable because, where other women would be left quaking in their boots, Holly comes right out and calls her a bitch. He tells PsychoWife that they should never have fooled around and that she needs to leave, for real. She says that if she leaves she’s never coming back as if it’s a threat and not exactly what he wanted and he encourages her to do just that.
High and mighty Kurt is telling Mercedes, who just whipped out a container of tots, that she’s replacing love with food and that she’s using Kurt as a boyfriend replacement. Mercedes gets quiet and says that she’s going to go talk to that boy he tried to set her up with, looking sad as she walks away. Karofsky sidles up to Kurt and asks if he had told anyone about The Kiss. When Kurt says no, Karofsky said he better keep it that way or else. His exact words were, “If you do, I’m gonna kill you”, said in a deep growling tone.
Will finds himself in Sue’s office, prepared to have to grovel to get his job back, but Sue says that all of his kids had come in to ask for him back, so she isn’t going to put up a fight. He receives a standing ovation upon his return to the Glee club. Then he hands out the sheet music for Singing in the Rain. They lower their eyes, not really wanting to insult their leader after just having gotten him back, but he gets the hint. He asks The Goddess for help and we get one of the most visually pleasing numbers we’ve yet to see from New Directions.
Next week, Finn and Kurt become brothers, we meet Sue’s mom, and I take a little subtext and run like the wind with it!