Fake It ‘Til You Make It

Tonight, I was watching the show Leverage and I was trying to figure out exactly what it was about this show that I enjoy so much.

I love watching them make a plan, dupe common people, put on disguises. I love the way they lie.

I would love to be part of a scheme like that. I would love to cause a distraction so someone else can sneak into a guarded door. I would love to stealthily slip an ID out of someone’s pocket.

Sadly, I have no reason to do so. Also, I have morals.

Sometimes, I’ll be in a store like Walgreens and I’ll think, “I bet it would be so easy to steal this.”  I think of all the stealthy ways something could end up down my coat sleeve or would fit through the small hole in the lining of my pocket. I sometimes even come up with the perfect innocent act for if I ever got caught.

The thing is, I would never steal anything. What would be the point? The only time I could justify stealing something is if I needed it. If I was homeless and dying of thirst, I would go to the nearest Starbucks and stand around at the end of the counter for a little while until something wasn’t claimed immediately.  If I was starving, I would do the same thing at a pizza place like Famiglia.

I would never steal something just to steal it. Blame my Catholic upbringing, but I’m very okay with having these scruples in place. Though sometimes I curse them for not even letting me try.

I kind of just want to see if I could get away with it.

But with my luck, I’d get caught and thrown in jail for sticking a barrette in my hair and walking out of the store with it.

The closet thing to a Leverage heist I have ever pulled was buying alcohol with my fake ID.  My friends were kind of pussies about it [as they probably should have been] and I was always voted as the purchaser of the booze. Luckily for me, it was usually a “I’ll buy if you fly” type deal, so I usually had to put less in when all my friends wussed out. I’d usually say, “Okay, I’ll buy it. Just stand there with me and continue our conversation as normal.”  They would then usually run past me and go wait outside. It didn’t matter, I would chat up the cashier or just smile and wait patiently.

I considered it an exercise in acting. Once, I even got into an argument with the store manager because he said he couldn’t accept my ID because it was a State ID and not a license. If he had said it was a fake ID, I would have told him to have a good night and left happily. But I had bought liquor in that very store not two weeks prior and what if I just don’t drive?! I don’t remember if I won that argument or not. Probably not. But I didn’t back down. I stayed in character until I left that store. And enjoyed every second of it.

It’s things like this that make me feel like I would really enjoy acting for a living. I would get to go on these adventures and take on these roles without breaking any laws. Sometimes my friends and I will make up names and backstories for ourselves in bars, but it always feels like lying and I always feel just the TINIEST bit of guilt about it.

If I was an actor, however, I’d be getting paid to lie to people. Sounds like a pretty sweet deal to me.

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~ by Valerie Anne on 08/30/2011.

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