Gleewind 2.08 – Furt
We open on a wide-eyed Kurt being led by his father on one arm and Finn’s mother on the other. They approach Frankenteen at his locker, and the adults tell the boys that they have an something to tell them. Smiling from ear to ear, the two of them announce that they are now engaged. Kurt immediately starts gushing and swooning and planning, but Finn sort of looks like he just wet his pants. Burt puts his son in charge of finding a band, and Doe Eyes immediately decides on the New Directions. He even says it won’t cost Burt a cent, but I wonder how the other kids would feel about that…
Meanwhile, Sue Sylvester is sending out invites to her wedding…to herself. She was scorned by Ron the Anchorman and it sent her over the edge. She has literally lost her mind. Sue is a boss and she has one liners worthy of record books, but sometimes her shenanigans just make me shake my head.
In the locker room, Finn and Sam are having a pissing match of sorts. Sam seems fairly confident he’s on his way to the top of the heap, but Finn has his doubts. I mean, he can’t even get Quinn to date him. I assume he means officially, because I’m pretty sure they’ve been making out for a while now. Anyway, Sam’s got a plan to change that.
Sam takes Quinn into a science classroom and professes his love to her. He gets down on one knee and Q’s eyes nearly bug out of her head. He says it’s a promise ring, a promise to be true and to be the very best boyfriend he can be. Queen Bee gently closes the box and leaves him with a ‘maybe’.
Finn tells Kurt the Wedding Planner that he wants to do something special for the wedding, something that makes him stand out as a leader. Kurt suggested leading a mother/son dance, and though Finn and his two left troll feet are hesitant at first, he eventually decides it will make him look like “a cool stud” which automatically means he will never actually be cool nor a stud.
After his brother-to-be leaves, Kurt closes his locker door to reveal the Cretan standing behind it, staring menacingly. Last they interacted, Karofsky had threatened him, so Kurt looks understandably worried. After an intense staredown and a kidnapping of the Cake Top Couple, Kurt is left alone at his locker, visibly shaken. Mr. Schuester notices that he has gone even paler than usual and comes over, asking if he’s okay. Finally having had enough, Kurt says no and they go together to the principal’s office. Why all the shoving and life-threatening went unnoticed, but the panic bells went off the one time he DIDN’T touch him is beyond me, but at least it’s finally getting some grown up attention.
For some reason, Sue’s hands are tied when it comes to expelling Karofsky since “all he’s done” is shove Kurt so far. Apparently there needs to be a choke hold or closed fist action for anything to be done about it. Poor Kurt has to leave without any resolution to his constant fear.
In the choir room, Rachel has banded some of the girls together who have boyfriends on the football team and says that they should gather up the boys and have them teach Karofsky a lesson. Quinn is mildly horrified at this and is quick to tell Manhands just that.
Santana comes in and demands to know why she wasn’t invited to this Glee Girls gathering. Rachel says it’s because she’s not dating a football player, but Santana jumps to bring up Puck.
Quinn reminds Santana that sex is not dating and Tina tries to keep Santana from going all Lima Heights Adjacent by reminding her that Puck can’t do anything anyway without ending up back in Juvie. Complacent but not pleased, Santana leaves them alone, tossing an insult at Rachel before she goes.
While Sue is firing a very confused wedding planner, she gets a visitor – her mother had caught the last Nazi, so she had come back for a visit and to ask about this self-wedding. Suddenly it’s becoming more and more obvious where Sue gets her insensitivity and mild insanity, and even though Sue is officiating her own wedding and giving herself away to herself, her mother insists she sings during the ceremony.
Back in the hallway, Rachel is asking Finn to confront Karofsky and Finn is giving her a hundred reasons why he can’t do that. Rachel says she’s disappointed in him. Instead, Artie and Mike approach Dave and tell him to leave Kurt alone. While Artie’s attempt at calming the giant while making eye contact with his kneecaps is kind of sad, Mike’s go at toughness is akin to a miniature Pomeranian barking at a Great Dane. Karofsky, however, is less than amused and shoves Mike backwards and into Artie. Sam jumps in and grabs him, while Puck looks on, itching to join. Luckily, before he can break parole, Beiste comes in and growls a demand for an explanation.
The girls are fawning over their injured boys, telling them how brave they were. I almost vom but then Santana distracts me by asking Finn where he was when all of this went down. He tells them that he was still on the field and he is instantly jumped on for not having been leading this attack. Kurt stands up for him, saying this was his battle and his alone.
Somehow, Sue’s mother got her in the auditorium and they sing a song about Ohio. Thrilling.
Kurt is keeping his sights on the wedding to keep his mind off being bullied. He is giving Burt and Finn dance lessons, but Finn is hesitant to waltz with McKinley’s resident gay boy. Sure enough, as soon as Finn puts his hand in Kurt’s, Karofsky flicks his wrist at them from the doorway. The Best TV Dad ever doesn’t miss a beat and asks who the hell that oaf was. Finn encourages Kurt to tell his dad that he’s been bullied regularly by this guy. As soon as he says that his life has been threatened, SuperDad is out the door and has Dave pinned to some lockers. When he calms down and lets go, the first thing he does is ask Finn why he hasn’t put a stop to this.
My question is, why is it Finn’s responsibility to do something about it? It’s not like he’s bigger than Karofsky. Taller, sure, but he’s doughy and lanky. And about as threatening as a giraffe.
Anyway, Burt is better at getting stuff done than Will, so now we’re in the principals office with Dave and his dad. Dave’s denying everything, but his father doesn’t want to be out-Daded, so he’s taking this very seriously. Besides, he’s noticed a change in his son and can’t see why the pretty boy across from him would make something like this up. Sue expels Karofsky, effective immediately, and Mr. Karofsky is so gracious that I wonder how a monster like that could have been raised in his home.
Finally, it’s the day of the wedding. Finn is struggling with his tie when Santana, a vision in red, strolls in and starts helping him with it.
She’s noticed him faltering on the social ladder, and lets him know that if he just copped to sleeping with her (or sang it from a mountaintop like any normal person would have), he wouldn’t be in this predicament. He insists he can’t do that because Rachel was under the impression that they’re both virgins and he doesn’t want her to dump him. Santana doesn’t understand why that would be a bad thing. She crosses her arms and threatens to tell Rachel herself, throwing in that if he got dumped then they could start dating. Which is interesting, since this is the first time she’s shown any interest in him. Seems to me Rachel’s comment about her not dating a football player sent her into a blind panic about her social status. Finn has pure fear in his eyes until she’s gone and replaced by Rachel, who he immediately professes his love to. She returns it, happily.
The bridal party dances in to the song Marry You which, while it is one of my favorite New Directions numbers to date, is misleadingly titled and is not actually good as a wedding song. It’s about getting wasted and spontaneously marrying someone. “If we wake up and you wanna break up, that’s cool.” So romantic.
Luckily, they distracted everyone from listening to the words with shiny, happy, ribbon dancing.
Also, a little bit of Soul…ja Boy.
It’s seriously adorable. All of it. Quinn’s adorable little voice singing, “shots of patron” is one of my top 5 Glee Song Moments.
Also, Burt’s dancing down the aisle was absolutely precious. If Mama Finn had any doubts about marrying him, I assure you they were gone after that.
The priest begins to explain how there wasn’t going to be any long prayer in case someone *cough* Brittany *cough* fell asleep.
Instead, Burt and Mama Hudson exchange vows that somehow end up being more about Kurt than each other, but it’s still lovely and not too painful as far as cheesy weddings go.
The only thing that is significant about this exchange that was slightly surprising was when they cut to Santana. Burt had just finished his vows and Finn and Rachel exchanged loving glances. Santana gave them the once over, brow furrowed. She doesn’t understand. She had sex with Finn, and she wasn’t making gooey eyes at him. Or Puck for that matter. What was different? What was she missing?
Then Mr. Schuester turns into Michael Buble.
The new couple has their first dance and everyone is happy and dancey in their seats.
Finn is called up to the mic and offers a toast. Somehow still ends up being more about Kurt than the new couple for some reason. Though it might not have been the time or place, Finn’s words to his new brother are sweet and caring and ended with a little song and dance the Glee club had prepared in order for Finn to show Kurt that he’s not afraid to dance with him in public anymore. He’s going to be a big brother to him, no matter what.
Sue’s wedding also starts, but it’s just Sue, her mom and her sister and a bright blue track suit dress. It results in Sue coming clean about her mommy issues. It’s all very, very strange.
Back at McKinley, Quinn is sporting an adorable smile and Sam’s promise ring. She was inspired by him standing out as a leader, and he is beyond excited to have finally won her over.
Meanwhile, in the principal’s office, the school board recalled Karofsky’s expulsion and is letting him back into the school with just a slap on the wrist. Sue vows to keep her eyes out for Kurt, because she might be a bully, but she’s an equal opportunity harrasser. She’s not a fan of this targeted nonsense (at least not kids vs. kids…teachers vs. teachers is a different story), and is going to do her best to keep him safe – including stepping down as principal and returning to her coaching position.
After school in the choir room, Kurt has an announcement. Since Karofsky is coming back to the school, he’s leaving. He’s transferring to Dalton, where they have an “enforced zero tolerance policy” against bullying [I still say it’s impossible, but at least he won’t be the only gay boy there, so it will be easier for him]. The kids are shocked and Puck even suggests they be his personal body guards to protect him against the Ogre. Rachel asks if this means he has officially become the competition and even Santana recognizes how insensitive that is.
Kurt’s not thrilled about this decision, but knows it’s for the best, and leaves a stunned Glee club with tears in his eyes.
Next time, we go to Sectionals and witness the best performance ever in the history of the Glee Club…and other stuff probably happens, too.