Gleecap 3.02 – I Am Unicorn

aka The One In Which Everyone Somehow Manages to Outgay Themselves Even Though They Were Already The Gayest

aka Awesome

Right of the bat, Brittany strolls up to Kurt, who is primping himself at his locker and ogling his shrine to Blaine. Brittany tells him that she thinks he’s faaaabulous and wants to run his campaign for student body president, because she believes in him. She calls him a unicorn and tells him that he’s special – she proves yet again that while she may not be the next validictorian, she knows more about people than they know themselves, and says that even though he went through hell, he never lost his magic.  He asks why she doesn’t run, since she IS one of the most popular girls in the school. She says she’s not smart enough, but the flashback we’re provided as evidence is her answering the question “What’s the capital of Ohio?” with the answer, “O”, which isn’t actually wrong.

Kurt giddily accepts and they make plans for after school.

Will starts off Glee rehearsal by telling the kids that Vocal Adrenaline is having a hard time finding a coach, making them less of a challenge to beat than they have been in the past. He says that if they work hard, they really have a shot. He also says that he realized he can’t be in charge of the school musical this year. Rachel starts flat-lining, but is quickly resuscitated by Schue clarifying that he’s not cancelling the musical.  He needs to focus on Nationals, so he’s starting a Booty Camp every day after school for the rhythmically challenged. Among the enlisted are Finn, Puck, Kurt and a very offended Mercedes. Blaine recruits himself because he wants to keep up, still being new, and Mike Chang will be assistant teacher.

Rachel didn’t hear a word of this because she was still trying to figure out who was going to cast her in the lead of the musical, so Will finally calls in Beiste and Emma, who I imagine were getting a little impatient, hovering out in the hallway and waiting for their names to be called.

Will has also decided that he was going to have a student director and offers Artie the position. With some encouragement from his peers, he agrees and we now have an unlikely band of directors for the show.

Enter: Shelby Corcoran!

Will is surprised to see her, and she explains what she’s doing there. As it turns out, Sugar’s daddy wasn’t too pleased with her being turned away from New Directions and is using his excess funds to pay Shelby to start a new glee club at McKinley – the only requirement being that Sugar is in it. Will isn’t concerned about the competition is might present, but actually puts on his grown up hat [that I was starting to think he might have lost] for a second and expresses his concern for the kids – Shelby is a big, twisted part in the lives of Rachel, Quinn and Puck. She assures him that she intends to do right by all of them and they politely part ways.

Meanwhile, in the girls bathroom, The Skanks are giving a small, wide-eyed girl a swirly and demanding her lunch money. Between Quinn being Quinn and the other girl being from Good Luck, Charlie and threatening her with a spork, I’m finding it hard to find any of them very intimidating. The girl disagrees and runs from the bathroom, calling them mean and leaving them looking proud as dirty peacocks.

Sue comes in and sends everyone but Quinn out. Sue offers her the chance to get back at New Directions for ruining her life by starring in her anti-arts ad campaign. Quinn uses her sexy new smoker’s voice to agree, with the demand that she wants couches under the bleachers.

After school at Kurt’s, Brittany is presenting her ideas for Kurt’s posters. They are sparkly and pink and gay, gay, gay. Also, she’s wearing a unicorn horn on her head. Because she’s the most precious person on the face of the planet.

She also has the idea to give out a swagbag called “Kurt Hummel’s Bulging, Pink, FunSack.” Kurt is [somewhat] appreciative, but this isn’t the angle he had been imagining. He didn’t want to play the gay card so overtly, but Brittany disagrees. She proves her people-genius once again by saying that they need someone who represents all of the students – they need a unicorn. Kurt is still resistant and presents his own Audrey-Hepburn-esque poster. When he’s describing it, Brittany points out that it’s still pretty unicorn.

The next day at McKinley, Puck leads Quinn into a classroom, empty except for Shelby.  Quinn is slightly taken aback, but immediately stands and squares off with her, arms folded tightly against her chest. Puck is standing cross-armed, too, but further back and angled more at Quinn, as if bracing himself for her reaction.

Shelby starts to explain herself to Quinn, but Quinn has soon heard enough. She starts to leave, angry, but this is what Puck expected so he’s already blocking her path. Quinn tries to steel herself as she turns back to Shelby, but there are tears shining in her eyes as she asks when she can see her child.

Quinn snaps and tells Shelby that she will never be Beth’s mom – that is a position that Quinn and only Quinn will hold – and storms out, this time unhindered by Puck.

At the first Booty Camp session, Mercedes is uncooperative, saying she’s more of a stationary singer, but Will insists that everyone participate. While Mike goes over the basics with them, Kurt and Blaine discuss the impending West Side Story auditions. They realize they’re both going out for Tony, which Kurt says isn’t a big deal, yet his voice seemed to have gone up an octave when he said it. Blaine pointed out, however, that a Senior should probably play the lead, and he’s only a Junior.

Wait…WHAT?! ARE YOU SERIOUS?!! I really wish I had known that a year ago, because I’m finding it hard to wrap my head around the fact that Blaine’s whole past of being bullied in one school and coming to terms with himself and developing a confidence in himself that he was willing and able to share with Kurt all happened during his Freshman year. And just the general knowledge that he’s YOUNGER.

Deep breaths. Moving on.

In the auditorium, Rachel stops mid-riff when Shelby walks in. Shelby slowly approaches, asking her about her audition. Rachel moves to keep the piano between them, as she had last year, and tells her that she’s going to be polite but she plans on generally avoiding her. Shelby changes the subject by suggesting Rachel sing Somewhere, but Rachel says she was going to stick with I Feel Pretty, since she already knows she can melt hearts and souls with it [though I doubt it would be as good without Quinn].  Shelby encourages her to challenge herself and they sing a duet that could make even the music gods swoon.

Sue and Quinn are filming their dramatic documentary about how Glee club ruined Quinn’s life and brought her from Head Cheerio to a splenda-snorting hooky-player. Becky calls “cut” when Quinn breaks character with a confused look on her face as she pulls a box of corn starch and a Sherlock Holmes pipe out of her locker.

Becky, Sue and Quinn move on to the next scene they want to film, where Quinn tells Will all the reasons why she blames him for everything that is wrong in her life. He stands up to her and gets in her face. He points out how supportive the Glee club had been to her and that she’s turning her back on people who cared about her. He has obviously lost his grown-up hat because he calls her a trainwreck and, with a slightly possessed look in his eye, tells her to GROW. UP.

Puck and his new NO! NO! NO!-hawk show up at Shelby’s apartment. He tells her all the ways he has been working on being a better person because he really wants to be part of Beth’s life. He even drew her a pig-clown, for crying out loud. We see the softest side of Puck we’ve ever seen as he begs Ms. Corcoran to let him prove that he’s ready to be part of Beth’s life.

The next person to audition is Kurt, who is going to be singing Streisand [don’t worry, he got the okay from Rachel first] and came with his very own “audition scaffolding”. Because he’s the biggest unicorn in the forest.

His song not only involves acrobatics on said scaffolding, but also some swordplay. The audition board seemed very impressed – in fact, Emma spend much of the performance clutching her heart.

Puck corners Quinn in the girl’s bathroom and tells her that she needs to snap out of it. He tells her that he saw Beth and her voices catches in her throat as she snaps, “So?”.  Puck tells her that he doesn’t want Beth to grow up having any questions or being messed up, so that they both need to be part of her life.

For some reason, the audition panel is already discussing who they like for the parts even though not everyone has auditioned yet. Kurt is sitting outside the window, eavesdropping on them as they discuss how amazing his performance is, but debate whether he is leading-man material. Especially when the leading man was an ex-gang member.

Kurt is walking through the halls, head heavy from this news, when he notices Brittany and Santana cheerfully putting up the shiny, happy campaign posters. Kurt is fuming now and Brittany explains that the ones he wanted gave her “crippling depression”. He thought they had agreed to tone it down and Santana told him that the fact that he was on the unicorn and not the other way around was progress. Brittany tells him not to worry, he’s special and needs to show everyone that he’s special, but Kurt now has steam coming out of his ears. He grabs Rachel and begs her to help him re-audition and screams over his shoulder at Brittana to stop putting up posters.

Brittany turns to her girl with a puppy dog pout and says that she failed. Santana looks her in the eye and disagrees – if Kurt didn’t appreciate her great ideas, he didn’t deserve her.

She flashes that smile she only smiles for Britt and leaves her with that thought.

At the Emergency Audition, Kurt explains that he wants to show off his acting skills. He chooses the ever masculine role of Romeo – you know, the dude who wears tights and a feather in his hat and speaks in rhyme. Totally manly. Kurt drops his voice lower than Quinn’s and tries to be the leading man they’re looking for. However, instead of being moved, Beiste, Artie and Emma seem to be more giggly than anything. They burst into full-on laughter when Rachel flinches away from Kurt’s kiss, giggling herself. Kurt, crushed, runs off stage, leaving the rest of them feeling guilty.

In some random classroom that also happens to have a piano, Shelby is trying to get Sugar Matta to make any noise other than screeching, to no avail. Quinn strolls in and calls her hopeless. Shelby doesn’t miss a beat before telling her that no one is hopeless.

Quinn is still insistent that she’s done being little miss perfect, that this is who she is now, but Shelby sees right through her. She tells her the first step towards being an adult – “stop punishing yourself for things you did when you were a child”. Quinn begs to see at least a photo of Beth and Shelby shows her a picture of Puck holding her. Quinn immediately starts crying and Shelby leaves her, saying that she wants her to be part of this family.

Then there’s a Finchel scene that doesn’t matter.

Kurt is whining about his lack of leading man qualities and Burt reminds us who the Best TV Dad is by telling him that he is who he is. He says that if there aren’t parts for him to play, he should write his own. Make his own way. A unicorn without his horn is just a boring old horse.

At Booty Camp, a white-washed Quinn shows up and sweetly asks if she could join. She is all smiles as she is welcomed back with open arms. Puck leans in and quietly tells her that he’s proud of her.

We then see a red glare glow in Quinn’s eyes as she reveals the real reason for the turnaround – she wants full custody of Beth, even if it means putting on a squeaky clean act.

Brittany is wandering down the hallway when she comes across a new poster of Kurt with a unicorn horn coming out of his forehead. He excitedly tells her that she was right and she hugs him, happy that he found his inner unicorn. He offers to have another meeting after school, but Brittany tells him she can’t – her and Santana are going to be making posters for her campaign. She realized that she’s also a unicorn…er…bicorn and is running for president, with Santana as her first lady campaign manager.

The final audition of the day is Blaine, who performs Something’s Coming… and without the blazer or the crew of prep boys behind him to distract us, he shines brighter than ever.

Kurt was watching from the balcony, absolutely beaming with pride. That is, until they ask him to read for Tony. Jealousy fills Kurt and he slinks back into the darkness.

But I mean, c’mon, Kurt. How can you be mad at this face?

Next time on Glee, Brittany runs the world and my soul with a leather skirt and a gaggle of ladies.

~ by Valerie Anne on 10/10/2011.

3 Responses to “Gleecap 3.02 – I Am Unicorn”

  1. As stupid Brittany moments go, her saying that O was the capital of Ohio didn’t come close to her thinking storks brought babies, that a “magic” comb could make her dance better or that Santa existed. It’s like the writers think we need reminding she’s not the sharpest tool in the box. I hope though that they pick the IQ they want her to be at and actually stick with it, rather than babying her in one scene then just being ditzy the next.

  2. Oh, yeah, great gleecap, again! Try as I might, I can’t remember a Finchel scene from I Am Unicorn so clearly I was paying as much attention as you!

    • Thank you! I like where they’re going with Brittany these days, definitely not book-smart, but very intuitive when it comes to people and feelings.

      And the Finchel scene was just them in the auto-shop and Finn was all “What if being a mechanic in Lima, Ohio makes me happy?” and Rachel was like “It won’t.” And Finn was like “You’re such a good girlfriend.” And I was like “Wait, what?”

      See? Not important.

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