He Said, She Said, I Said: Super Bass

Please note going into this that Super Bass is my favorite song on the radio right now. I pride myself in being able to rap about 80% of it unaided. It makes me feel pretty badass, even though I’m the whitest white girl you ever did see.

That being said, the words are actually hilarious. I had a few things to say to Miss Nicki, and I thought you guys would appreciate me giving her a piece of my mind.

This one is for the boys with the booming system
Top down, AC with the cooling system

Don’t underestimate the importance of a good car AC. No one looks sexy with their hair matted to their face with sweat.

When he come up in the club, he be blazin’ up
Got stacks on deck like he savin’ up

I imagine you’re talking about stacks of money. In which case, it’s likely he IS saving up. I’m just going to ignore the “blazin up” portion of this line.

And he ill, he real, he might got a deal
He pop bottles and he got the right kind of build
He cold, he dope, he might sell coke

Hold up. Is this a list of someone with qualities you WANT?! I feel like things like “cold” and “might sell coke” should definitely go in the “con” column…

He always in the air, but he never fly coach

Are you saying he’s always high?! I’m hoping you mean emotionally. Not narcotically .

He a motherfucking trip, trip, sailor of the ship, ship
When he make it drip, drip kiss him on the lip, lip

I just…I think this is a lot more inappropriate than I’m willing to get into at the moment.

That’s the kind of dude I was lookin’ for
And yes you’ll get slapped if you’re lookin’ hoe

Don’t worry, if he’s anything like you say he is, I’ll be nowhere near him.

I said, excuse me you’re a hell of a guy
I mean my, my, my, my you’re like pelican fly

Pelican fly? THAT’S the coolest flying thing you could come up with? I’d rather be like… Pterodactyl fly.

I mean, you’re so shy and I’m loving your tie
You’re like slicker than the guy with the thing on his eye, oh

Now, I had to research this because the curiosity of who this guy with the thing on his eye was killing me (mostly since my image went back and forth between 7th season Xander and Mad-Eye Moody).  It turns out this is a reference to “Slick Rick“, which does nothing but yet again make me question your taste in men.

Yes I did, yes I did, somebody please tell him who the eff I is
I am Nicki Minaj, I mack them dudes up,
back coupes up, and chuck the deuce up

So your claim to fame is that you make out with guys, can pass any state regulated driver’s licence exam and throw up the peace sign? Girl, you need a new publicist.

Boy you got my heartbeat runnin’ away
Beating like a drum and it’s coming your way
Can’t you hear that boom, badoom, boom, boom, badoom, boom, bass
Yeah that’s that super bass
Got that super bass boom, badoom, boom, boom, badoom, boom, bass
Yeah that’s that super bass
Boom, badoom, boom, boom, badoom, boom, he got that super bass
Boom, badoom, boom, boom, badoom, boom, he got that super bass

This…actually…kind of makes sense. Huh. Well, nicely done. Though I still can’t tell if we’re talking about an actual person or a theoretically perfect man…

This one is for the boys in the polos
Entrepreneurs and the moguls

Okay, NOW we’re getting to someone worth pursuing!

He could ball with the crew, he could solo
But I think I like him better when he dolo

When he whatnow? Are you making up words because you couldn’t think of anything to rhyme with “solo”?

And I think I like him better with the fitted cap on
He ain’t even gotta try to put the mac on
He just gotta give me that look, when he give me that look

Then the panties comin’ off, off, uh

Okay, you lost me with the fitted cap. Also, you’re easy. You should at the very least make him put the mac on.  Or make you mac and cheese. SOMETHING.

Excuse me, you’re a hell of a guy
you know I really got a thing for American guys
I mean, sigh, sickenin’ eyes
I can tell that you’re in touch with your feminine side

Aren’t you American? Are you allowed to say that you like Americans better? Also, I could be wrong, but I have a feeling that guys don’t love being told they seem like they’re in touch with their feminine side upon first meeting them. You should probably stick to the “sickenin’ eyes” line. Just saying.

Yes I did, yes I did, somebody please tell him who the eff I is
I am Nicki Minaj, I mack them dudes up,
back coupes up, and chuck the deuce up

Again, I think if I were in charge of your brand marketing, I would go with something along the lines of, “I make fun songs”, “I can kind of sing”, and “I can pull off crazy colored wigs and straight-across bangs”.

See I need you in my life for me to stay

That doesn’t even make any sense.

No, no, no, no, no I know you’ll stay

What are you even saying?

No, no, no, no, no don’t go away

I’m going to have to go away, because you’re literally not even speaking to the topic at hand anymore. I thought we were trying to pick you up a dude to mac on?

That’s it, I’m out.

Consider these deuces chucked.

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~ by Valerie Anne on 10/19/2011.

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