So, this collection agency accidentally got sent one of my school loans. This loan was in forbearance, which means I did not have to pay it quite yet, since I can still barely afford to eat two square meals a day. However, this mix-up has caused this agency to call me every single day and leave an extremely annoying voicemail.

Every day.

It’s always the same. The ultimate message is always just to call them back.

Yet every time they have to do the whole, “This message is for Valerie. If this is not Valerie, please hang up. By not hanging up you are agreeing that this is Valerie. Valerie, do not let anyone else listen to this message. This message is private and personal and only for you, Valerie. Valerie, I’m serious. If this message reaches anyone else’s ears, the phone will self destruct. We’ll know. Okay, you’re sure this is Valerie? The message is: please call us back. Here’s our number, even though you probably have it on your caller ID from when we called you yesterday and the day before. And the day before that. Have a nice day!”


My mother emailed me today, asking me to please call them back:

Hello my dearest daughter,

Please take 5 minutes to call the collection agency back and tell them that there was a mistake and that this matter is under research by the loan company so they will stop calling us and our neighbors and our family and the mailman.



I responded, telling her I had already talked to them and explained all this. She asked me what they said. My response:

He said, “If you don’t get this sorted out soon, your life will be ruined and so will the lives of your father, your children and your children’s children.”
And I said “But it was supposed to be in forbearance, they made a mistake.”
“Do you have anything in writing stating that it was in forbearance?”
“I don’t know, my mother handles this. But probably, yeah.”
“Okay well you need to make sure you have something in writing or else you’re going to be in a lot of debt.”
“Yeah, I get that.”
“There’s an easy solution, though. If you just pay it all off right now, this will all disappear and probably won’t even be on your permanent record.”
“Oh, yeah, hold on, let me take the suitcase full of hundreds I have hidden under my bed and take care of that for you.”
“I’m just saying you should take care of this.”
“I get it. Thanks.”
“Nice shirt.”
“Thank you…wait, what? Where are you?”
“I’ve been following you around for three weeks. I can tell when you see it’s me on your caller ID and still don’t answer. It’s very rude.”
“Well you call me a hundred times a day and usually during work hours. Plus, you’re annoying and there’s nothing I can do for you.”
“Okay, well you really should get this taken care of as soon as possible.”
“Right. Got it. Have a nice day.”
“You too. See…er…call you tomorrow.”

Or something like that.

She laughed and said I was too much. I think she might have caught on that it was a bit of an exaggeration of the actual conversation I had. I think she got the gist of it, though.


~ by Valerie Anne on 11/04/2011.

2 Responses to “Sharks”

  1. mine are in defferment because of grad school but because of the whole pesky graduation thing they need to be paid back starting in february. anyways, I get this angry call the other day and turns out I’m overdue on payment. I had this crazy long convo with the guy where I was like “I have the money. I have a job. I don’t care if it’s out of deferrment I’ll pay it. but WHY am I paying? I just want to figure out what went wrong.” “your loan is no longer in deferrment. you needed to start paying last month. can you afford to pay this?” “YES I CAN PAY IT. but WHY is it out? are my others out as well?” “I don’t know why it is out, that’s pretty weird because your others are not. I will connect you to the payment line. Do not do this again because you may have implications on your credit report.”


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