I have been really worked up all week. It was a combination of everything and nothing, a culmination of events and a lack thereof.

This happens to me with some regularity. Not often, but regularly. I don’t know if it’s because I ignore the things that bother me until I literally and physically cannot, or if I’m more affected by the moon than I ought to be. [Don’t laugh at me, that’s a thing! People are made up of mostly water. My emotions are like the tides! Okay, okay. I’m crazy. Fine. You win.] Either way, every once in a great while, I hit a breaking point.

It’s usually brought on by a gathering of feelings. Thinking a little too long on things, maybe dwelling a tad. Then something happens that perpetuates these feelings. It doesn’t have to be something big – it can be as basic as a text message. Then things start spiraling. Trains are delayed, work becomes difficult, tourists walk slower. Little things that happen all the time just start building up. I believe Allie Brosh called it the Sneaky Hate Spiral.

Next thing you know, you’re on a train that is skipping your station for no apparent reason and clenching and unclenching your fists, trying to resist punching a stranger just for being too close to you.

So I had reached my breaking point yesterday as I watched my platform zip past the train windows, slowing down just enough to give me hope before going on its merry way past three more stations.  When I finally reached my stop, I powerwalked home in a near fury. I busted into my apartment and told my roommate I was going to sign up for the gym, as we had planned to do. She had decided she was on the fence about joining, but I wasn’t going to let that stop me. “Look, you don’t have to come, but I need to go. Or I’m probably going to go on a killing spree.”

She looked a little nervous and agreed to go with me to check it out. I finished signing up before her and headed to an elliptical. I wasn’t moving thirty seconds before I started to feel my anger, my frustration, just seep out of me.

I remember a time where the mere thought of exercising was the CAUSE of anger and frustration. Now? It’s exactly what I needed. I needed to burn off my emotions, sweat out my feelings.

It felt so good.

I woke up this morning feeling well-rested and in a better mood already. I think I needed this distraction, this focus of my energy. I think this will help me be better able to sort out my thoughts and allocate my time.

I’m hoping this will help me stop being weird and panicky over writing and actually get back to my regularly scheduled program.

I think that’s my point.

I think this will solve a lot of things. I think this was a good choice.

Thank you for bearing with me. Gleecaps, He Said She Said and other fun stuff coming soon.

Now that I’ve let go of my aggression.


~ by Valerie Anne on 11/11/2011.

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