AKA The one that nearly gave me a Brittana-induced asthma attack.
We open at Brittany’s locker, where a pretty boy with a thick Irish brogue flounces up to her and says, “top of the morning”. Brittany tells him he really needs to learn English and is surprised when she realizes other people can see him. See, Britt-Britt thinks he’s a leprechaun…and he’s playing along. She believes she gets three wishes and is ready to make her first – she wishes for a box of Lucky Charms with only the marshmallows. Which sounds pretty amazing. Finn witnesses all of this go down and looks skeptically at the only boy in the school paler than his step-brother.
In the teachers’ lounge, Quinn and Puck are regaling Ms. Corcoran with semi-insulting presents and backhanded compliments. They tell her she really needs to get some rest and offers their renowned babysitting services. They conveniently left out the part where they got tied up by the evil children they were watching and skipped right to the part where they got them take a bath for the first time in months.
Sue is somehow still allowed to talk on broadcast television and is trying to get the entire state outraged about the budget for the school musical, despite the fact that her Cheerios get a disgusting amount of money. Figgins says his hands are tied in the situation, but Will [as usual] has a plan. I just hope that it doesn’t involve taffy and bad math this time.
At her locker, Santana is proudly displaying a drawing from Brittany.
I couldn’t see what was hanging below this picture in Brittany’s locker, but it looked like she had one similar to it in hers. So either they drew each other matching pictures, or Britt was in Santana’s locker earlier. Either way. Dating. Just saying.
Mercedes approaches Santana and asks her how many solos she got in Glee club last year. Since we can’t include the one she secretly sang to Brittany in the choir room or the one she sang during the auditions for the Nationals solo, the answer was one. (Plus the lips in Rocky Horror.) It was the best one, but still only one. Mercedes points out how awesome it would be if the two of them ran the new group. She also mentions the fact that it’s all girl as though it’s a bonus, and Santana’s gay panic sets in and she’s all, “Why should I care? I don’t care.” but Mercedes quickly recovers and says it’s just because of their girl power voices.
Santana is intrigued, but there’s one thing holding her back. Brittany. She can’t just leave her behind – she lives in a happy little bubble and someone has to be there to protect it from getting popped. Santana has always been that someone. Mercedes has a simple solution – bring her, too!
Finn is watching this whole exchange, too, hovering creepily as he eavesdrops.
At Glee rehearsal, Tina is all weepy over the lack of Mercedes and everyone is throwing blame at everyone else about it. Rachel struts in and accidentally adds fuel to the fire by saying she was hanging up campaign posters, causing Kurt to hiss an insult into the mix. Finn stands up and tries to be a leader about it – they can’t turn on each other now. Not when they’re at their lowest. Blaine quickly jumps in and agrees, talking about teamwork. Finn shuts him down and tells him to butt out of it, and Blaine doesn’t hesitate to point out how hypocritical that statement was.
All Rachel heard of this whole exchange was that her musical might be cancelled and she’s doing that blind panic thing she does where each word out of her mouth gets higher and faster. Will [finally?] steps in at this point and says that the musical is NOT cancelled and his plan is to sell ads in the program. Which…is actually…what real drama clubs do…and… a decent plan? This can’t be a good sign. Mr. Schuester actually having a viable plan makes me very, very nervous.
They break up into groups to decide a course of action for this plan and Finn
is an asshole asks Santana if she’s ready to support the team, a hint of accusation in his voice.
Later that day, Finn finds our Leprechaun separating marshmallows out of a box of Lucky Charms. Turns out, our little Irish intruder’s name is Rory and he knows Finn from the youtube video of the T-Rex eating the Jew. He explains that he’s playing along with Brittany’s fantasy because he was promised her pot of gold if she did. Knowing Brittany, this is probably a collection of chocolate treasure she’s been saving since her third birthday, but Rory’s mind is a little deeper in the gutter than hers, so he’s hoping for a little somethin’ somethin’.
He sweetly looks up at Finn with a big, innocent smile and literally says, “Will you be my friend?” Somehow, this makes me forget the fact that he just said he wanted to snog Santana’s girlfriend and just want to hug him. Unfortunately, Finn has a stick up his ass today and does no such thing. But after a moment of fear, he agrees to be his friend – in exchange for some surveillance.
At Shelby’s house, Quinn and Puck are reassuring the nervous mommy that everything will be fine while she’s out. Babies can sense evil, so Beth squeals like a pig until PuckDaddy picks her up. The toddler knew what was up, because Psycho!Quinn rears her head almost before the door clicked shut. She has a plan to frame Ms. Corcoran for evil anti-baby things and call child services, because for some reason she thinks that the girl will immediately be put back into the arms of teenaged, unwed, ex-cheerleader who gave her up in the first place.
Across town, Kurt is unenthusiastically asking his father if he wants to buy an ad to help them out after their most recent caSUEalty. (Get it? See what I did there? With her name? Oh, nevermind.) Since he’s the Best TV Dad ever, he did not only buy an ad himself, but got three local funeral parlors to donate enough money to fund the show. Burt is lucky enough to run into Sue in the hallway and decides to rub this fact in her face. She spews him one of her long-winded, insult-ridden metaphors, but he is nonplussed. He just wants to see her lose this election because he’s sane and doesn’t want that lunatic having any say over anything anyone does ever.
On the other end of the hallway, Rory (after getting his phone call to his mummy rudely interrupted by a mullet-clad hockey jerkface) presents Brittany with her all-marshmallow box of Lucky Charms. She has her second wish ready – she wants Lord Tubbington to leave candy bars in his litter box. The Leprechaun is simply smitten by her and asks her on a date. She turns him down, saying she has plans, but leaves him with a kiss on the cheek in apology.
Rory is shoved into the lockers once again, and his smile fades – though never disappears entirely – as he meanders around the school singing a Kermit-the-Frog original: It’s Not Easy Being Green. He looks longingly at Brittany as she playfully pops a rainbow marshmallow in her mouth and giggles with
her girlfriend Santana.
[Warning: Brittana fans, please put down any food or drink you may be consuming. Make sure you have a steady heart rate and a generous helping of oxygen before continuing.]
Breadstix. Brittany and Santana are sitting across from one another at the table. Very date-like. Santana puts down her fork and asks with a nervous tone if they can talk about something. She puts it all out there, “Are we…dating?”
Brittany is confused. She had just assumed this was a date, the way she assumed the bath they took together (!!!) was a date. She told Santana last year – if they were both single at the time time, she was hers. And proudly so. Santana looks moved by her words and says she’s really happy. Brittany tells her not to worry about it getting in the way of her class president campaign, because she still had another Leprechaun wish. This is the first time Santana has heard that the boy who leers at her girl a little too often is magical. Santana takes this segue of “wishes” and uses it to change the subject. She asks if Britt will come with her to Shelby’s new group. She says that she wants so stand out, she wants to be a star, but she will not leave without Brittany. Brittany asks if she can think about it, and while she looks a little hurt, Santana quickly jumps in and says that’s fine, that she just wanted her to consider it.
But come to think about it, Santana does have a wish. She wishes Brittany would hold her hand.
But…under a napkin. Just in case.
Global warming is really helping Puck’s pool cleaning business, he now has 10 cougars calling him – however, DaddyPuck isn’t the charmer he used to be. These desperate housewives [who, last season, probably should have been referred to as pedophiles] are turned off by his sudden urge to show off pictures of Beth. Back at school, we find out Quinn is also turned off, but more on the idea of this pool cleaning business. She wants Noah to get a real job, because she anticipates having full custody of Beth in two weeks since she bases her judicial facts on episodes of Law & Order. Puck is shocked that she actually called, but Quinn is dead serious.
We catch a glimpse of the broken heart beneath the psychotic face when she says, “Beth is perfect. She’s my one perfect thing.” Quinn’s life is falling apart around her, and this piece seems like the most important part for her to get back. She can barely meet Puck’s eyes and her voice quivers as she tells him that she needs this. She needs to get her baby back, because even if nothing in her life ever goes right again, at least she’ll have Beth.
As Puck is leaving his baby mama, Shelby sidles up to him and hands him a business card for someone with an indoor pool who might need his services, forgetting that doing something randomly nice for a teenage boy will trick his sex-addled brain into reading into it.
In the choir room, Santana and Brittany are on the floor, about to make out.
Alas, Mr. Schuester starts his lesson and congratulates the club on raising enough money to put on West Side Story. Thank goodness.
Blaine steps up and announces that he has an idea to cheer everyone up, since it’s been a rough week. This fun little ditty gets everyone up and moving, and everyone gets really into it.
Santana’s not amused because she’s sick of the same people always getting solos. Will points out her one epic solo from last year and she points that it was that very solo that helped them win. Yet she can see that this year will be the Blaine and Rachel show if no one puts an end to it.
Her blood still boiling from her outburst in the choir room, she approaches Rory and tells him to simply nod and not dare utter a single word while she spells something out for him. She knows he has a crush on her girl, and she knows her girl thinks he grants wishes. She slowly backs him into a corner with her vicious, vicious words and tells him that she is going to get a wish of her own granted, leaving him with a stunned (and possibly turned on?) look on his face.
Later that day, in Britt’s bedroom, the imp puts candy bars in Lord Tubbington’s litter box and says he made her second wish come true. THEN THEY EAT THE CANDY BARS. OUT OF THE LITTER BOX. THAT PRESUMABLY CAME OUT OF A KITTY BUM. NO. JUST. NO.
Rory informs her that Santana had only one wish – it was the wish she had told her on their date. She wants Brittany to come with her to Shelby’s new glee club. Some people might call this manipulative, but I disagree. Santana was scared. She wants to shine, she wants to be appreciated, but she can’t do it without Brittany. She could have tried to guilt her into leaving New Directions another way – she could have even done what she did to Rory and intimidate her into it – but she wouldn’t do that. She loves her. Yes, it was selfish of her to do it this way instead of talking to her, but as much as she knows she loves Brittany, it still scares her a little. She already lost her once, she doesn’t want to lose her again. So instead, she chose a route that would make Brittany think she was doing something for the greater good. She was helping a leprechaun make a wish come true.
So it’s settled. The New Directions will now be down three of their strongest players. But they aren’t talentless yet!
Mr. Schuester goes to Burt Hummel’s body shop to thank him for standing up to Sue, something he has yet to do with any positive outcome. He also wants to persuade the Best TV Dad Ever to shoot for Best TV Public Official ever, too. Burt’s way ahead of him and Kurt is already his campaign manager. Will signs on as an actual campaign manager, being old enough to vote and all, and Burt tells him how important the Glee club is to him and his family.
Shelby is putting Beth down for a nap, but as soon as she’s quiet, Puck knocks on the door, sending the child into another squealing fit. PuckDaddy is there to thank her for the job she got her [because everyone in Lima has phone-phobia like me, apparently] and asks to use her bathroom. He then goes on a scavenger hunt to collect all the false evidence Psycho!Quinn planted last time they were there. Distracted by her fussy baby, Shelby asks Puck to leave, but instead he picks up a guitar and sings to a now quiet and transfixed lil one.
Ms. Corcoran seems surprised at how very hard single parenthood is, despite the fact that she chose this life for herself. She wants someone to share the responsibility with, but also to share the happy moments with. Puck yet again misinterprets (through no fault of his own) this touching moment and reaches out to hold Shelby’s hand, saying he’s there if she needs her. She then projects her loneliness on him and swoons a little in his general direction. Then all the red flags in the world stand to attention.
Rory the Narc scurries off to Finn to give him the inside scoop, and Finn promptly clomps up to Brittany and demands an explanation. Santana steps in and calls ‘malarkey’ on Frankenteen’s “we’re a family” speech, saying she sees him looking at Blaine with contempt every time he opens his perfectly chiseled jaw to speak. Finn locks eyes with Brittany and speaks to her despite Santana. He tries to break through the hold he thinks she has on her and says he knows she doesn’t really want to leave. When B starts to explain about the leprechaun deal, he snaps.
“At some point you just have to grow up and…and stop being such an idiot.”
If he had said that to Santana, she would have ripped out his throat with her teeth. But Santana didn’t even flinch, she just looked at Brittany, knowing that her girl could handle this. Brittany’s kind eyes darkened and she was suddenly no longer torn between the two Glee clubs. She told Finn that as the leader of the club, he should know better, and that she wasn’t going to be treated this way. She turns and walked from him, Santana shooting Finnocence a smirk that said, “So there” before following her.
They rush to catch up to Mercedes, who is delighted to learn that the hottest remaining Cheerios would be joining her in her new venture.
Speaking of new ventures, Burt’s campaign becomes official when he is allotted time on the local news station to plead his case. Much to Sue’s dismay, he is calm, cool, collected and speaking right to the hearts of the average Lima citizen. She knows this race won’t be easy.
Sugar Motta is thrilled to see more people joining the club her daddy funded, but as fast as she can say “backup for me”, Santana puts her in her place. Sugar quivers with fearful joy, because all she really wanted was to belong to something, and was more than happy to hand over the reins to the fierce bombshell that just walked into her life. She then bops to the background, where she will stay indefinitely, doing adorable things she doesn’t think anyone notices, just tickled to be part of something so great:
The Trouble Tones.
Finn approaches the dynamic trio and tells them that he saw their performance and really can’t fault them for leaving. He apologizes to Brittany, who obviously forgives him immediately, because she’s actually a care bear.
Rory comes skipping over to Brittany, ready to collect the pot of gold he was promised [and I don’t like where his eyes drifted when he said that]. Brittany cannot be fooled – her last wish didn’t come true, Finn wasn’t happy. Also, she is now aware that there are no such thing as leprechauns. Santana makes a final wish and asks him to get gone. He watches them leave, dejected, before getting shoved into a locker by a hockey jock. Again.
Later that night, at Breadstix, the Hummel-Hudson household is discussing the pros and cons of Burt running for Congress. At which point I realize that they’re actually talking about the United States Congress and not just some little Lima Congress situation. To which I raise an eyebrow.
Kurt is worried about the stress, but Burt is not. Sue isn’t either, because she decided to use an actual cause in her campaign now. Instead of the anti-arts campaign alone, she’s going to put a pro-special education twist on it. Which means that she might actually have a shot at beating him.
But how either of them would have a shot at beating anyone with actual political experience is beyond me.
The next day at McKinley, the Ror-meister is getting hassled by the hockey team again. Finn tells them to stand down or he’ll unleash the Beiste. The mullet gang looks scared and beckons their amazon Cheerio to follow them as they leave, post-haste.
Finn decides to do the new kid a favor and brings him to the half-empty choir room of depressed New Directions and have him belt out a sweet melody to show that just because they lost their most soulful voice, their hottest dancer and arguably their best overall performer, all hope is not lost.
And then Puck and Shelby kiss.
And all those red flags? Burst into flames.
Next time on Glee, the word “virgin” is said more times than it was in the Madonna episode. Also, West Side Mothereffing Story.