Crazy People Need Not Apply
Please select true or false for the following statements:
I am currently in a committed relationship. True/False
I am currently in an “open relationship” to which the lines and details are blurry and confusing. True/False
I am not really interested in girls, I’ve just had bad relationships with guys and need a break from them. True/False
I tend to keep my feelings to myself, generally, until the most inconvenient moment. True/False
I own invisible office supplies (notebooks, pens, folders…anything invisible, really). True/False
If you have answered “True” to any of these questions, you need not continue with this application. Thank you for your time.
If you have answered “True” to three or more of these questions, I suggest you seek professional help immediately.
Please select the answer that best describes how you would react in the given situation.
You have plans with the person you are recently started dating. You wake up and realize you have overslept and are very late. You…
a) clamor to get ready while texting or calling your date, apologizing profusely.
b) send a text calmly stating that you overslept but it will be at least an hour before you’ll be ready to leave your house on the other side of the city and expect them to wait; not being apologetic at all.
c) call or text immediately, apologizing and ask if they would rather wait or if they could reschedule – whichever is more convenient for them.
d) wait until they text you and pretend you totally forgot.
You have had a crush on someone for a while, and have told them about it, but haven’t been able to act on it because you are in a committed relationship, though you have been on the verge of breaking up for weeks. You…
a) break up with the person you’re in a relationship with, as it is clearly making both of you unhappy.
b) start dating them both.
c) move in with the person you were dating and tell the person you wanted to date that you should just be friends because you guys are going to “try to make it work”.
d) become a nun and stop talking to either of them.
You and the person you were in an unofficial, non-committed relationship with decide it’s best if you were just friends. While out with this person for the first time after deciding this, that person ends up hitting it off with one of your friends, and towards the end of the night they share a kiss. You…
a) are happy for them and are glad that two of your friends are getting on so well.
b) are a little uncomfortable about it, so plan to speak to them both about it later on separately.
c) realize that you cared about the person more than you thought and decide to express this to them.
d) flip out in a jealous rage and scream and maybe even get a little violent.
When at a museum on a second date, you like to…
a) pick and choose certain exhibits the two of you would like to see.
b) laugh and joke about modern art pieces that look like a total cop out.
c) stop at each and every art piece and prod your date about what they feel when they look at it. Despite their obvious discomfort.
d) ask your date their opinions on the art but don’t listen to their answer.
You have very intense, serious feelings for someone. You…
a) tell them immediately, because you think they might feel the same way.
b) ignore those feelings, hoping they’ll go away.
c) wait to tell them until the most inconvenient moment, when neither of you can do anything about it anymore.
d) confess them to a priest.
In following section, please write any notes you think are important for me to know. Please include any psychological disorders you have been diagnosed with, relevant past relationship experiences (i.e. if you have ever been engaged to someone who then cheated on you, causing you to lose trust in humanity), if your life plans include you permanently leaving the state, and your age [both actual age and approximate age of maturity].
Thank you for your application. Your answers will be reviewed and you will be contacted if you are deemed emotionally stable enough to begin any sort of relationship with.
Best of luck,
~ by Valerie Anne on 01/08/2012.
Posted in Uncategorized
Tags: i have been in 'relationships' of some sort with people who could answer true to each of the first questions, i hope this doesn't make me sound like a bitter old woman, i would never not date someone just because they had a psychological disorder but i would certainly like to know ahead of time, i'm like some kind of crazy magnet, i'm tired of dealing with crazy people, i'm trying really hard not to let my past experiences lead me to assume all bisexual girls are insane, okay to be fair i don't know for sure if the third true/false was true for anyone i dated but it seemed that way for two of them, there's a big difference between actual age and age of maturity, what do you think people would say if i really started handing this out at bars?, you can't always tell when people are crazy right away so i thought this application would help