I’m really embarrassed to have to write to you like this. I hate being passive aggressive. But we’ve talked about this before, so I don’t know any other way to get through to you but to lay it all out for you.
How the fuck do you get yourself so tangled?
I don’t understand. It’s not like I neglect you. I use you literally constantly. We’re together every morning, for parts of the day and every evening. Sometimes even late into the night. So I don’t get how you manage to become a clusterfuck of wire during the fifteen minute walk that you spend in my purse while I’m on the phone with my father. I put you down. I pick you up. I don’t scrunch you up or shove you under things and move stuff around in my purse. Down. Up. How do you go from two separate lines to A BIG BALL OF AWFUL?!
It’s rude, honestly.
Especially you, headphones. My pretty, purple headphones. Other headphones I’ve had in the past, I’d expect this from them. They were boring, they were cheap. You? You’re different. You’ve also been with me longer than any other headphones in the past. I thought you understood. I thought we had something special.
I’m not sure what to do about this. Part of me thinks you’re abusing our relationship. You take it for granted. But I”ll have you know, that I have a pair of shiny pink headphones I got for Christmas, just waiting for you to push me over the edge.
So you better stay on the straight and narrow, or you’re going to find out whether or not all earbuds go to heaven.
Please, don’t let it come to that. I really want to make this work.