“I look back at the things I wrote when I was in high school and it doesn’t feel like reading something I once wrote. It’s more like reading a book I’ve read a million times, written by someone else in some other time.”
I wrote that in my journal three years ago, almost to the day. It was during the time in my life that I was finally starting to realize that I could be happy. I was starting to grow up and let go of the things I had been holding on to so tightly for no reason other than I had always held them.
Sometimes I forget I was ever so broken. I almost can’t even remember what it was like to feel hopeless. Almost. I remember more clearly, however, the process of realizing I wasn’t broken anymore. Cracked, sure, but healing. I remember slowly but surely realizing that the only anxiety I had leftover was the anxiety that I didn’t have any anxiety. I remember feeling suddenly…free.
I ended that journal entry three years ago with a quote. I think it’s appropriate to end this post with that same quote.
“Sometimes pain becomes such a huge part of your life that you expect it to always be there, because you can’t remember a time in your life when it wasn’t. But then one day you feel something else, something that feels wrong, only because it’s so unfamiliar. And in that moment you realize……..you’re happy.” – One Tree Hill