He Said, She Said, I Said: Johanna

Welcome to the musical edition of He Said, She Said, I Said! It was only a matter of time before something from Broadway slipped its way in here, and this song makes me raise my eyebrow every time I hear it.

For those of you unfamiliar with Johanna, it’s from Sweeney Todd. Johanna is a young girl who has been raised in captivity by a judge. She feels like a caged bird and often sits on her windowsill, longing to join the world outside. This dude walks by her mansion one day and sees her sitting there and immediately falls in love. He asks a beggar woman on the street what her name is, then sings her a song that is presumably a love song, but in my opinion is the creepiest damn song of all time. It’s technically called Johanna (which you could probably tell by the amount of times he says it during the song), but I have dubbed it The Stalker’s Anthem.

For the sake of this post, I shall take on the role of Johanna, and try to imagine a perfect (albeit handsome) stranger that has begun to serenade me.

I feel you, Johanna,
I feel you.

You WHAT?! This is an interesting way to start of this serenade…but I haven’t had much human contact in my life, so I’m going to ignore this. But I’m glad there’s a sheet of glass and two stories between us right now.

I was half convinced I’d waken,
Satisfied enough to dream you.
Happily I was mistaken,

See? There you go. I’m not entirely sure how you know my name, but that’s quite sweet, handsome stranger. Go on.

I’ll steal you, Johanna,
I’ll steal you.

Shit just got weird.

I’ll steal you, Johanna,
I’ll steal you.

No seriously, stop. You’re making me uncomfortable.

Do they think that walls could hide you?
Even now, I’m at your window.

I’m now really glad my room was not on the ground floor. You stay down there, boy. You and your creepy song.

I am in the dark beside you,

AHHH! I definitely just had to look over my shoulder to make sure you didn’t somehow ghost up behind me. For the love of God, move along now.

Buried sweetly in your yellow hair!

There is nothing sweet about you shoving your unfamiliar nose into my golden locks. Nothing.

I feel you, Johanna,
And one day I’ll steal you!

What started out as a nice gesture is quickly feeling more like a threat…

Til I’m with you then,
I’m with you there,
Sweetly buried in your yellow hair!

Yeah, about that. I think I’m just going to go sit in the other corner of my room until you find someone else to sing creepy songs to. Kay? Kay.

~ by Valerie Anne on 02/28/2012.

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