It’s Me You Fear

Hey there. How’s it going?

It was nice of you to let me come forward and talk for a bit. I know you hate me. I know you fear me.

We used to be together a lot more often, remember? Weeks would go by and we were inseparable. People tried to break us up, but I stayed strong and you didn’t fight me. You didn’t like me then either, but you grew comfortable around me. I was familiar.

I think maybe you were too young to realize you could tell me to leave. I wasn’t about to teach you. I liked being by your side so often.

Some days you would dress me up and we would play pretend. Those were the days I thought you almost started to like me. We would spend hours together, you and I, in imaginary worlds. Those days weren’t so bad, were they?

Other nights you would just curl up and let me cover you with my long, dark cloak.  I would run my fingers through your hair and count the tears that rolled down your cheeks.

I think we look a lot alike, you and I. Sometimes I look back at you through the mirror, and you hardly seem to notice the difference. At least, that’s how it used to be.

It’s been a while, though. A while since you’ve let me stay with you for very long. Where it used to be weeks on end, it’s now only a few stolen hours here and there. I don’t even remember the last time we spent the day together.

Now you only let me sidle up to you on those darker nights, and curl around you like I used to when you were small.

I know you hate me, though. I can feel it. Stronger now, since you know you can ask me to leave. Your anger towards me is almost palpable, because you know I only come when you’re weak, when your walls are down.

Your fear and your hatred doesn’t stop me. I know you’re afraid I’ll stay with you forever, that in the end it will just be you and me. That you’ll have nothing else. And I’d like that. It’s all I’ve ever wanted. But you keep driving me away.

So maybe soon we’ll have to part ways. Maybe with each passing year our time together will grow less frequent, as it has been. Maybe someday you’ll stop letting me visit at all.

But for now, I’ll still creep into your bed late at night, wrap my arms around you and rock you to sleep.  I’ll whisper in your ear and remind you that if no one else wants you, I’ll always be here.

~ by Valerie Anne on 05/15/2012.

4 Responses to “It’s Me You Fear”

  1. I can relate so much to this, though I’ve not gotten as good at driving it away yet. But I love this post. I really connected with it and you did a great job with the point of view. 🙂


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